It's Not All Rainbows & Butterflies

So there was this great article posted on Xtra! which is a Gay & Lesbian news magazine in Canada. The article is entitled 'Loving a Trans Man Isn't Easy' and it looks at transition from a partner's POV. The article is very well written, and is not only raw and honest, but brings up important issues that most of the time, are just swept under the rug. I was (am) shocked at the negative comments the author has received - hateful, nasty comments, many of which are from members of the LGBT community. I've heard people talk about this before - how it's not ok for partners of transmen to talk about how it affects them. But listen up people, when you're in a relationship and transitioning, then your partner is also transitioning. How can people not see that these major changes affect BOTH people in the relationship?

I can sit here and talk about the hard parts of my transition, and I can say that some days it's hard and there have been times it sucked. And that's ok. But let my wife say that sometimes it's hard to deal with, and that she has become an invisible lesbian, and that it's hard sometimes, and she would probably be labeled transphobic. It's just bullshit! It's ESPECIALLY hard when transition happens during a relationship. When the person you love starts changing right before your eyes... you have to call them by a new name, use new pronouns, all the while, trying to be supportive because you love them - but trying at the same time to let go of them as you knew them. No matter how much you love and support them, you still have to go through a kind of grieving process for the way they were. And when you try to have a discussion about it, you're accused of making it all about you, or told that you're being transphobic.

My wife had just come out as a lesbian about 2 years prior to meeting me. She may not have had to deal with watching me change, but my transition affected her nonetheless. I was 'stealth' when we met - and I didn't want her "queerness" to out me, so I wanted the rainbow sticker on the car to come off, and certainly didn't want too much "gay stuff" around. So I opened the closet door for her and pushed her right back in. Did I realize that's what I was doing? No. Did I mean to make her invisible? No... certainly not. I love her with all that I am. Did I realize I was causing her to question her identity? No. But I was. And I was insensitive to her needs and her feelings. And who could she talk to about it? If she brought it up to me, I felt defensive. If she were to have brought it up in a group of other transmen or women, they would likely feel a little defensive, and she had plenty of lesbians shun her if they even found out she was with a transman. Not to mention the hetero friends you make - the ones you usually have to hide your true selves from. It's been hard on her at times, and she still deals with a certain amount of invisibility. She looks in the mirror and sees queer - but the world looks at her and sees just another straight woman. So I applaud the bravery of the author of the article - for speaking up and speaking out. Maybe as a community we can learn to stop silencing one another. I, for one, am glad that my eyes were opened.

I'm out as a transman now. I speak at universities and to groups of teachers, etc. My wife is once again free to fly her queer flag all she wants, and put her rainbow stickers back on the car. She is becoming less and less invisible and I'm happy about that. Not everyone is in a position to be out, I get that, but be open and be sensitive to your partner's need to be heard. Don't expect support but not be willing to give support. Transition is hard sometimes, yes - for us AND for the people in our lives.

Guess who is still alive?!?

Yeah - me! I feel like I abandoned an old friend it's been so long!! I started back to school this semester so homework and all that has hijacked all my spare time. So the blog suffered for it - but I'm finally in the swing of it all (I think) and I miss my blog! I hope my (few) readers didn't say fuck it :)

I shall be back later with a post! (Promise!)

Happy International Butch Appreciation Day!

So, contrary to popular bullshit, I KNOW that FTMs and Butches are not the same people, cut from the same cloth. I admire the strength and fierceness of a Butch woman, and I'm glad there's a day to appreciate all they add to our community. I have known - and do know - some amazing Butches throughout my lifetime, and even though I appreciate them every day, I honor them today. The Butches who are self confident, strong, proud, and don't define themselves or their community based on what everyone else is doing. Butches who enjoy the diversity of the LGBT community, and support EVERYONE involved in the struggle for equality. You know who you are! The few, sad Butches who want to tear this community apart, and who call for the oppression of another minority group to build themselves up, are a disgrace. You know who you are too, and you should be ashamed of the negative light you shed daily on your Butch community. But, I digress. Celebrate Butch today everyone! Tell a Butch how much you admire them!

Questions Anyone?

I'm opening up the floor for some Q&A, whatcha got?

The Importance of Diversity & Tolerance

"In Germany they first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up."

- Rev. Martin Niemoller

Diversity enriches our lives. Much as the biological diversity of an ecosystem increases its stability and productivity, cultural diversity brings together the resources and talents of many people for the shared benefit of all. Sadly, the differences among us have historically formed the basis of fear, bigotry, and even violence. People fear diversity simply because they are accustomed to the way things used to be and change makes them uncomfortable. The fact is, there are more trans people becoming visible now, and I'm not talking about the trenders - the really young people who I've admitted repeatedly, are toying with gender to make a statement or to be different. I'm talking about transsexuals. I'm talking about people like me, who grew up with this. It's become safer to be out. We've always been there - we were just mostly invisible. I get that transsexuality isn't easy to wrap one's mind around... it's confusing. Some choose to enlighten themselves and try to understand it, some just concede that we all have a right to our identities whether others get it or not. And some decide to take the road to intolerance.


If you do not understand another's values, lifestyle, or beliefs, it is much easier to belittle them. And so the seeds of prejudice and intolerance are sown. You don't have to agree with, or promote another person's identity, but tolerance is something that we OWE one another when it comes to how we identify. We are intolerant if we reject or dislike people because they are different, or have a different set of values, or challenge our ideas when it comes to identity. And intolerance harms not only its intended victims, but society at large, as well. No one who believes in democratic pluralism should accept any intolerance or infringement on freedom of expression - and that includes gender expression. Democracy is based upon the idea that we can have differences in opinion and still get along. These democratic principles are threatened whenever anyone suffers from intolerance. Tolerance, (loosely defined), is not prohibiting that which you disapprove of. Must we tolerate anything and everything? Of course not and few people, if any, claim that we must. To embrace tolerance does not mean one must allow and accept obvious injustices. But my being a transsexual doesn't hurt YOU. I am not hurting anyone. I am not committing any injustice against another person. I deserve tolerance, as do you. If someone is tolerant of me being transsexual, that does not mean that they must transition themselves or even approve of my transgender status. And it certainly doesn't mean they must give up their own identity or values. This idea that tolerating and respecting my choices in life results in killing YOUR identity, well it's just ridiculous. And specifically, I am talking about the idea that transmen are somehow destroying the Butch identity. It's smoke and mirrors, and it is histrionics. It's a really lame excuse for intolerance.


Intolerance compromises our integrity by encouraging us to treat others badly. Intolerance is used to stigmatize, silence, and, on occasion, target people whose identities challenge our own self-esteem and ideologies. It is often assumed that people who experience one form of oppression and discrimination are less likely to discriminate against others. Unfortunately, this is not necessarily true. Especially when we're talking about the GLBT community. Is it too much to ask, that we ALL learn a little respect for the contribution of the ‘other’ – whereby the ‘other’ is treated with deference, courtesy and compassion, in an endeavor to safeguard the integrity, dignity, value and social worth of the individual, and of society?

*Personal Update* I Hit a Milestone!

So it's been about 3 weeks since I adopted a new, healthier lifestyle and I am excited to report that I've lost my first 20#! And I feel SO much better! I'm still doing smoothies with the super green, fruit, fat free yogurt, and almond milk for breakfast every day. I've had NO sodas/pop for 3 weeks, and I drink primarily water all day. This coming from a guy who killed 6-8 sodas a day easily, and never drank water. My joints are thanking me! I eat a very very light lunch, usually some celery with a tad of peanut butter for protein, and a couple of pieces of fruit - unless we have salad made up, then I'll have a salad with fat free dressing. Speaking of - I have always HATED fat free salad dressings - I found them to be bland and often watery tasting - but I found the most AMAZING dressing - It's a Ken's Steakhouse dressing, Fat-Free Raspberry Pecan - and it is so full flavored and sweet. Good stuff - try it! For supper - I used to eat until I was so stuffed I was sleepy - terrible! Now, I have a sensible serving of whatever we're having - which is no longer out of a can or a box, and I feel satisfied and more important, I don't feel like I'm in a food coma. I've had NO indigestion for 3 weeks (I was having it almost daily) and I could just go on and on about all the other little physical signs of getting healthier and stronger. Doesn't hurt either that I'm back down to a 38 waist from a 42, 6 months ago. Anyway, just wanted to share, and encourage any of my readers who struggle with the same things, that you CAN turn it all around, if I can - ANYONE can, trust me. If you want to know more about the Super Green, exactly how I'm eating, how to get started, or just need support, feel free to drop me a line! Have a GREAT weekend!

Reaching Out to Transgender Youth

I really need to put some info up here for TG youth, resources, help, etc. I've already been contacted by one young person looking for support and help. I will also link to this post in the menu for easy access.

Research studies of the information needs of transgender youth have shown that their needs differ slightly from those of gay and lesbian youth, and transgender teens are much more likely to attempt suicide than their gay and lesbian peers. Primarily because transgender students face much higher levels of harassment and violence in public schools and universities than LGB students. Reports reveal that many of these students lack the school support and resources that have been shown to improve the education climate for LGBT students. Most of these students, for example, do not have access to a Gay-Straight Alliance in school, and most reported not having a school district anti-bullying/anti-harassment policy that specifically includes protections based on sexual orientation AND gender expression. In a recent study by GLSEN, Over two-thirds(69%) of transgender students felt unsafe in school because of their gender expression. 87% have been verbally harassed at school because of their gender expression. 53% have been physically harassed at school (i.e. pushed, shoved, or subject to unwanted touch). 26% had actually been seriously physically assaulted (i.e. punched, kicked, or assaulted with a weapon) at school. Although ALL LGBT students report these types of issues, these numbers are almost double for transgender students. Not surprisingly, these studies have shown that 9 out of 10 transgender youth turn to the internet for information & support. This is why I am so passionate about the way adults are behaving online - ESPECIALLY the gay and lesbian adults who choose not to foster a empathetic environment, and instead, misinform people, humiliate these youth, and invite them to be ridiculed and mocked by others. It truly is sick. Is it really too much to expect, that we might be able, as a community, to move towards a future in which everyone learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression?

And for any transgender youth who might be reading this: I know that sometimes the emotional pain and stress can feel like its too much, especially when there seems to be no one around who cares or understands, or who support you. I also know that, even though it isn't really what they want, sometimes young people think seriously about suicide when it all seems like too much to deal with. It almost sounds cliche now, but trust me, it really DOES get better! I was bullied relentlessly throughout school because of my gender expression, and I considered suicide as an option, but I survived it and I am SO glad I did! You can get through it! Check out places in your community for support, like a trusted family member, school counselor, any person that you trust. Talk to a friend. Go see your school counselor. They might be able to help. Feel free to contact me if you can't find resources, or just need to talk. I am always more than happy to be a listening, caring ear, and have access to some resources. I've posted some resources here that might be able to help. Just in case you need them.

GLBT National Youth Talkline

The GLBT National Youth Talkline provides telephone and email peer-counseling, as well as factual information and local resources for cities and towns across the United States.
All services are free and confidential. The telephone volunteers are in their teens and early twenties, and speak with teens and young adults up to age 25 about coming-out issues, relationship concerns, parent issues, school problems, HIV/AIDS anxiety and safer-sex information, and lots more!
Toll-free 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743)
HOURS: Monday thru Friday from 5pm to 9pm, Pacific Time. (Monday thru Friday from 8pm to Midnight, Eastern Time)
Email: youth@GLBTNationalHelpCenter.org

NEVER give up on yourself! You are beautiful and unique, and you are more powerful than you know! Don't let others steal your future, your hopes and dreams.

Discrimination Is NEVER OK

* Graphic courtesy of The National Center for Transgender Equality, transequality.org.

I want to address the NUMBER ONE biggest misconception regarding the trans community. And that is, that we transition to take the "easy way out". Just hearing those words... feels so bizarre to me. Easy. The easy way. Wow. Nothing could be farther from the truth. People think we transition to the opposite gender so that we can easily blend right in to mainstream society. So that we can gain privileges we weren't allowed before. In other words, rather than live with the streotypes and discrimination we would endure for being gay or lesbian (and not ALL transsexuals were gay or lesbian prior to transition), we transition to get rid of the label. Well I'm here to tell you, there's nothing remotely easy about it. Not deciding to move forward with it, not easy to come out to friends and family, not easy to navigate insurance rules and juggle paying for expensive medical and therapy appointments. Not easy coming up with tens of thousands of dollars for surgery, or looking for jobs and going through background checks. Not easy losing friends and family, or dealing with a community that doesn't always want you around. Not easy being left out of legislation for the sake of getting laws passed to protect the G and L. And certainly not easy dealing with other people's ignorance and intolerance every step of the way. It was by far, the hardest thing I have done, I lost friends, I lost family. I've experienced hate crime, I've had death threats. I'm certainly not complaining, I'm here, I'm happy and it was all worth it to get to where I am today - and I'd go back and do it all over again. But it was anything but the "easy way out".


It's fine if you choose not to encourage it, or even support it. But you can have your opinions while still respecting other human beings, and preserving not only their dignity, but your own. It is possible to express one's disagreement with a situation and discuss your personal reasons and views without trodding all over someone else's identity. Your disapproval of it is your prerogative, but that doesn't make you in the right. Have whatever personal beliefs you want, and feel free to express them as your OPINION, but please, don't think for one second that the decision to go through transition and the fallout that can come from it is easy. Easy would have been remaining in the gender I was born, keeping my circle of friends intact, keeping my job, my home, and keeping my sense of community. That would have been much EASIER. But I wouldn't have been being true to myself and my soul.

New York State of Mind

Enjoy these AWESOME photos of gay & lesbian couples celebrating their MARRIAGES!!!! They are truly heartwarming - #12 made me cry!

Love is tender, and knows no gender

See The Portraits HERE

Hate Trending - Who Is Hating

Aside from the fact that she is a bigot, she does not fully source any of her “facts”, and, most disturbingly, she is preying on young people and obsessing on them. She is almost 50 years old, and spends her time compiling photo after photo of people in their teens and early 20s - claiming she's trying to show proof of an epidemic, but all it proves is her sick obsession. Add to that, that she bullies these young people and publicly humiliates them. As a Psychology major, I can tell you that her body language and facial expressions give away the probability that she has borderline personality disorder, and it's highly likely she was mistreated/assaulted by someone as a child/adolescent. I assume the blogging and vlogging that she believes is a good outlet, probably needs to be replaced by intense therapy and anti-psychotic meds. So my point friends, is to stop letting this mentally scarred, disturbed woman get under your skin. She doesn't represent the majority of the greater GLBT community - at best, she represents a tiny, invisible fraction of the lesbian community. She will NEVER get what she wants. Trans rights are being acknowledged in more and more states, we're moving forward, we aren't going anywhere! Times are changing for the better for the Trans community - and hateful, unhappy people like dirt will be left in the dust - still sitting behind a computer whining about how we shouldn't have what we DO already have!

Miami Dade Schools Add Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation Protection

The Miami-Dade School District, the fourth largest in the nation, today joined other districts across the state of Florida in protecting students from bullying based on gender identity or sexual orientation. The move by the Miami-Dade school board to add gender identity to its anti-discrimination and harassment policy was greeted with praise by both Equality Florida and the Miami-Dade Safe Schools Coalition who have been working diligently for years to pass such protections.
With this latest victory, one and a half million students representing nearly 60% of Florida’s school population are now protected from bullying based on sexual orientation and gender identity, ranking Florida fourth in the nation.
In a statement, Stratton Pollitzer, Equality Florida's Deputy Director said: "This is a tipping point for the state but our work continues until every school district large and small provides these vital protections."
I am happy to see reports like this, too many young lives have been affected by hate and intolerance, and it's about time people stop focusing on what makes us different, and realize that ALL KIDS MATTER! Way to go Miami-Dade!

To read more about it: Equality Florida

Destiny

So, I commented on this ridiculous post on 'that other blog'... but my comments get deleted on a very regular basis (even though she claims over and over not to delete comments) So, I'm cross posting it here for when it disappears over there.

*Edited to add* My comment was gone in less than 15min at the other blog, as I suspected would be the case....

My responses are in italics.

dirt said: "Like so many other contradictory aspects of transition, those in the never ending state of transition constantly claim that "biology isnt destiny" while proving every day of their trans lives that they in fact really believe that it is."

Ridiculous. And again with the blanket generalizations! I've never claimed the above... and have actually NEVER heard that claim made. And transition isn't "never ending" - mine is done. I am transitioned. You state all the following "ifs" as though they are a given for all transmen...

If you change your manner of dress after transition, you believed biology is destiny.

I didn't. I dressed the same way prior to transition.

If you seek out employment as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.

I didn't. I have been employed in the same field since about 7 years prior to transitioning.

If you use a restroom as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.

I always used the mens restroom in public. Even prior to transition.

If you go topless as the perceived sex and you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

I don't. Why? Because we all can't and I don't like the double standard. When a woman can bare her breasts in public at all the same places men can, then I'll consider it.

If you receive straight male privileges that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

Well obviously, male privilege exists and any transman who claims it doesn't is full of shit. It's what you do with that privilege that counts - none of us ask for male privilege. Some enjoy it I'm sure, I do not... but I am not at fault for the issue of male privilege.

If you expect entryway into certain spaces AFTER transition that you didnt expect before, you believe that biology is destiny.

So - I'm assuming you mean male spaces? Because if you mean female spaces, then why wouldn't I have been granted entryway before transition? In either case - I have never expected entry into an all woman event or college since transition, and wouldn't have expected entry into an all male space prior to.

If you act differently as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

My personality, mannerisms, behavior, etc. have not changed. I am the same person I've always been, just changed the packaging a little :)

If you were afraid of doing something as your actual sex that you arent as your perceived sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

This makes no sense to me... you'd have to be a little more clear on this one. Like my fear of heights? Scared of heights then and now...

If you socialize more with one sex as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

I have always and still do socialize with a variety of people, but since I'm married, it's usually other couples - some of which are gay, some lesbian and some het, (trans AND non-trans hets) My friendship pool & social habits did not change.

If you expect to be treated differently in any way as the perceived sex that you didnt as the actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.

I just expect to be treated with respect and kindness - then and now. My expectations of others did not change.

So I pretty much deconstructed your very haphazard assumptions of what transition is... clearly, you don't get it. You've just proven that.

Rape is Rape!

In a recent speech at the University of New Hampshire, VP Joe Biden told the story of a college freshman he referred to as Jenny. Jenny was raped after a party on campus. She tried to pursue a case against her rapist, only to be asked if she had been drinking, what she was wearing, and whether she was dancing. The University never took action against her assailant. Sadly, this happens far too often, the victim ends up blamed because she was drinking or somehow led her assailant on, and this is unacceptable! As Biden said, "Rape is rape is rape." Every year, however, when compiling the numbers, the FBI omits hundreds of thousands of rapes from its Uniform Crime Report because it’s using an 80-year-old definition of rape. The FBI’s outdated definition of rape is limited to "the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will." The FBI’s outdated definition of rape excludes any form of sexual assault that falls outside of the narrowest understanding of heterosexual sex, including the rape of men and boys as well as transgender people. The emphasis on "forcible" rape also means that the rape or assault of women with physical or mental disabilities and those who were unconscious or under the influence of drugs and alcohol, like Jenny, are often excluded. The FBI’s 2007 Uniform Crime Report listed 91,874 "forcible rapes," but some estimates suggest the actual number may be 24 times higher. The FBI's underreporting of rapes translates to less federal funding for police departments nationwide to test rape kits, and fewer rapists brought to justice.

Sign below to tell the FBI to update its definition of rape to address and end sexual assault:

Tell the FBI: Rape is Rape!

Source: Change.org

Sexism is WRONG - Yes, even when it's against men.

Sexism is wrong. It is ugly in any way, shape, or form. Why is it, that little is said about reverse sexism, or misandry - prejudice against men? It DOES exist, and it is rearing its ugly head all over the place. My wife works for a battered womens shelter, however, there is no help for battered men. And they DO call... and she has no choice but to turn them away. Men aren't supposed to ask for help, they're supposed to just "man up" and deal with it. So is it OK for a woman to hit a man? Perhaps because they're men, they deserve it? They had it coming - for every man that was ever bad and hurt a woman, the rest should pay. Is that it? There are A LOT of good men in the world. Kind, loving men. But men are typically viewed as aggressors across the board. I am certainly not suggesting that women aren't abused more often than their male counterparts, and I do realize that women have had a tougher road to get to where we are as a society today. But a by-product of radical feminism (in my opinion) has been misandry, and that should concern us all. True gender equality will only be reached when we stop ALL prejudice. When we start respecting people for who they are, not what gender they are. Discounting someone because of their gender - EITHER gender - is unfair and is destroying any chance at true gender equality in this country.

More & More Cities Move Towards Trans Health Care

Let the detractors say what they wish - the fact is, acceptance of Transgender people is increasing, and more and more cities are offering, or planning to offer health coverage for Trans people.

Read All About It in USA Today

Historic UN Human Rights Resolution Covers Transgender People

On June 17th, the United Nations endorsed the rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in a historic resolution. This is an important shift on an issue that has divided the global body for decades, and much credit was given to the Obama administration’s push for GLBT rights in the United States and abroad.

The resolution calls for a panel discussion to be held next spring, with “constructive, informed and transparent dialogue on the issue of discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against” gays, lesbians and transgender people.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a statement: "This represents a historic moment to highlight the human rights abuses and violations that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people face around the world based solely on who they are and whom they love.”

The winds of change are surely blowing.

Read the UN Press Release Here

Don't Assume...

Because I support and will fight for Trans people being able to medically transition once they've received the proper counseling/therapy, I am called a misogynist. Because I didn't feel my body, as it was, portrayed my true self, and felt more at home in the body I was allowed to transition into, I am called a misogynist. Because I don't support radical feminism, and feel that some radfems spread horrible blanket generalizations, and skew the facts to support their extreme stances on these issues, I am called a misogynist.

Don't assume that because I transitioned from female to male, that I hate women.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, I hate Butches or want them to transition.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I support men in women's only spaces.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I think I'm better than a woman.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, I agree with other transmen attending/transitioning at women's universities.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I want others to transition.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am trying to be trendy.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am stereotypically male.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that women's rights don't matter to me.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I was raised with rigid gender expectations.

Don't assume that because I have scars, that I hate them, or look disfigured. I am PROUD of them!

Don't assume that because I wasn't born with a penis, that I don't feel complete.

Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am angry.

Don't assume that I am unhappy because I am a transman. I am beyond blessed!

Don't Assume.

The War on Planned Parenthood

The GOP has been waging a war against women for years. One of the main issues going on in recent years, is the call to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. For nearly a century, Planned Parenthood has promoted women’s health and well-being, through educationally based programs, based on respect for each individual’s right to make informed, independent decisions about health, sex, and family planning. Conservatives everywhere are using their positions of power to rob women of the valuable health care resources that Planned Parenthood provides. The GOP believes cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, thereby preventing women from taking advantage of their services, will reduce the number of abortions performed in the U.S., as they believe this is the mission of Planned Parenthood. And what many don't realize (and the GOP doesn't WANT you to know) is that abortion services make up only 3% of Planned Parenthood's work. They don't tell you about the 83% of their work devoted to PREVENTING unplanned/unwanted pregnancies - they don't tell you about the one MILLION pap smears, and the over 800,000 breast health exams they provide each year. They also provide 4 MILLION STD/HIV tests, and provide educational programs to over 1 million young people each year. We are already seeing the results of the GOPs war on women, right here in Minnesota. Planned Parenthood plans to close six Minnesota clinics on Aug. 1 because of federal budget cuts. NONE of these clinics provided abortions. What these clinics DID provide, were breast cancer screenings, pap smears,contraception, as well as testing for cervical cancer and sexually transmitted diseases to low income Minnesotans - people who were trying to be responsible for their health, and for the health of their families.
Of course, none of this matters to Conservatives, who seek to force their christian ideologies and "family values" on the Nation.
Look, the point is, I don't like the idea of abortion personally. I understand how people can’t bear the thought of it, and they have the right to their convictions, but they don't have the right to impose it on others who don't share the same convictions. Regardless, this is NOT the mission of Planned Parenthood. I don’t understand is why anyone would want to eliminate funding when the REAL mission of Planned Parenthood, focuses on contraception and reproductive health for those who couldn’t otherwise afford it. Planned Parenthood isn't some insidious group, scheming to undermine America's moral precepts. It's a lifeline for the economically disadvantaged who have a desire to be responsible with their bodies and their sexuality, and avoid a future filled with regret.
Basically, what I'm saying, is if it isn't YOUR uterus, stay out of it.

Let Us Not Forget Today, We Are Not All Equal

In the patriotic excitement we all get caught up in on Independence Day, let's remember that not all Americans share the same freedoms. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't enjoy today (I plan on BBQing and popping open a few cold ones) but let's keep in mind today as we celebrate:

* That only 6 states allow gays & lesbians the freedom to marry, and those marriages are ignored in all other states with the exception of New York & California - and still forbidden federal recognition entirely.

* That DADT is still law, and GLBT people are still prohibited from serving our country openly.

* That only 34 states have Hate Crimes laws - and only 12 of those include gender identity in their protection.

* That it's still legal to fire an employee for being gay in 29 states - 38 if you happen to be Trans.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."...
That only applies if you are heterosexual AND cisgendered. The rest of us are still waiting for that promise to be fulfilled.

"It's not Transphobia, it's the TRUTH!

If I had a dollar for every time I see/hear this from within the greater GLBT community - and from an increasingly high number of Butch lesbians, well, I'd probably be able to help a financially strapped transman pay for his chest reconstruction! How do we define 'truth'? Well, Merriam-Webster defines it as:

The state of being the case: the body of real things, events & facts.

Now let's look at the definition of homo/trans phobia: (Merriam-Webster didn't have transphobia listed, as it's a fairly new term - but obviously if you swap out homo for trans, it would be the same)

An irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against trans people.

So, I ask you, whose "truth" are we using? Throwing the word truth around is a slippery slope. They claim that transmen/women can't possibly be truly happy. This an unfounded, unproven, wild assumption. I am very happy. No, I'm not fooling myself, or on a "trans high" - I transitioned over 13 years ago, I think the high would have worn off by now. I know I am not a biological man. I like to think of myself as a biologically challenged man. :) I don't need biology to be on my side to live the life I choose. And I know so many other trans men and women who are happy with their decision, whose lives were, in fact, saved by the ability to transition to the gender they feel more congruent with. This is OUR truth. You don't have to like it. You don't have to live it, but you can't decide what's true for us.

The claims that the trans community is somehow trying to recruit from the lesbian (Butch) community, and that we are pressuring young people to transition, is ludicrous. I'm not suggesting that peer pressure NEVER happens. I'm sure it does. I'm not suggesting that there aren't young people transitioning to be "trendy" - I'm sure some do. But to blanket an entire community with those accusations is unfair - and whether you like the word or not, it IS transphobic.

In closing, I want to reiterate that I admire and applaud Butch women. I love that they're fighting the social construct of gender and throwing out the rules and roles put on them by society. I especially appreciate those who can do that, and at the same time, feel confident enough in themselves not to be threatened by the trans community. The plain and simple TRUTH is that none of us have the right to assign an identity to anyone else, regardless of our personal beliefs/attitudes/opinions/phobias. The sooner we ALL get that sorted out, and stop calling everyone out on their identity and their truths, the sooner we can all work together to rid the laws of this country of ALL discrimination.

Our Bodies

So a HUGE part of the trans-bashing that certain other blogs engage in, is the repeated assertion that we have ugly, mutilated bodies, made grotesque by all the "hacked off" parts. Well I'm here to tell you, and I can only speak for myself (although I know this will be true for most trans men and women) - I LOVE my body! Sure, I have scars that are faintly visible, a reminder of my chest reconstruction. A reminder of how I used to think I would always have to bind, would always avoid looking in the mirror, would always feel sad and be a hermit. I have a scar on my abdomen, a reminder of a time when I thought I would always feel suicidal once a month, a time when I felt like I didn't even KNOW who I was. There was a time, long ago, that I thought I would live the remainder of my life feeling like an alien. Feeling like there was no place for me in this world. But fortunately, there was help. Fortunately, professionals, who KNOW what they're talking about (unlike bloggers with agendas), were able to get my mind sorted out, and help me find the answers I was seeking. Fortunately, there were surgeons willing to use their skills - one of which who had NEVER done a trans related procedure - to help bring my body closer in line with my soul. Once I completed my SRS procedures, it was as though you'd waved a magic wand and I started feeling the cloud cover on my existence lifting. It was truly life saving. I had lost the will to live, I couldn't imagine a future in which I would be forced to feel disconnected from my own body. So for all these people who think they have it all figured out, and think they know what they're talking about... what they call mutilation was, in fact, a revelation. I love my scars. I love that I am free to walk through the world with a clear, settled mind and soul. I love that I can feel proud of who I am and what I've done in my life to follow my truth. No one can take that away from me. I'll take a few faintly visible scars over a pine box any day.

Here are some pics I thought I'd share...

First pic:(circa 2004) Three weeks post op, still pretty swollen but LOVE the result! (The band aid was from a portion of the incision that the Dr. opened up for drainage from the hematoma on that side)

2nd pic: About 2006, 2 years post-op


3rd pic: New ink last year!

4th pic: Healed ink, 2011

Binder Program for Those With Financial Need

In need of a binder and can't afford one? My buddy Nick, of The Transitional Male has a program that's been providing binders to those who can show a financial need since 2001! For all the details on how to qualify, including sizing help - please see the note on his facebook page at: How To Qualify for a Binder

Thanks Nick, for doing what you do!

I Miss My Friend

*This will be a long post... please bear with me*
I blog a lot about stuff that pisses me off. I am not a negative person AT ALL, and I don't let the things that piss me off affect my day to day life - probably because I vent here. But I need to be better about blogging the good stuff! And with all the things going on between the lesbian and trans communities, I got a wonderful little reminder the other day, that there are people intelligent and insightful enough to accept the differences and not feel threatened by someone else's truth. I am talking about my best friend for a huge chunk of my adult life, I won't mention her name out of respect for her privacy. We met at work when I was in my early to mid 20s. She was actually my boss. I've always joked with her that the minute I saw her and handed my application to her, that I knew for a fact I would get the job. We looked very much alike, like ridiculously similar in appearance, my Dad even came in the store once and mistook her for me - and it was obvious we were both 'family" so to speak. We became fast friends at work, I admired her work ethic and the way she managed people. I still do. She was, to this day, the best supervisor I ever worked under. We became pretty inseparable, went out A LOT - maybe too much. We were so close, we even went co-shopping together and shared clothes. When I lost my Dad in 1996, she dropped everything to go home with me and help me through one of the two most painful times in my life - I had lost my Mom two years earlier and was still reeling from that. In the summer of 1998, I decided, after years of contemplating, to leave Texas to begin my transition. I didn't feel I could transition in my home environment where so many people knew me. I felt the area I lived in was too conservative, and that it would just be easier to start this journey in a new place where no one knew me. I had known since childhood who I was - I knew from the age of about 21 that someday I would try to do something about it. I had never explained any of this to her. I thought about it, but really never knew how to bring it up. I feel bad to this day, that I didn't. So I moved to the East Coast, and after some therapy and some solid decision making, I decided to 'come out' to my family and close friends. I chose to do this by writing a heartfelt letter to each person and sending it, along with an FAQ sheet about transsexuality. I wanted to provide the information to them in a very non confrontational way, and allow them time to process what I was telling them and not feel on the spot with me. It turned out to be the right way, because I got great responses from it - not one even coming close to her though. I got a letter back from her that meant so much to me, that for years I kept it in my wallet. It eventually got packed away in a box of keepsakes, and my wife and I found it just the other day. It still means as much to me as the day I got it and I would like to share it:

---------------------

9/5/98

Hello there! I hope all is well in Boston! Since I don't have a computer, I must write you back the old fashioned way. So forgive me if this letter gets too messy. I'm not real sure how to get this letter going - I have debated it for about a week. There is just so much to say and so many questions. But I must address this first - I support you now and will support you through your entire process. There is no doubt about that. I just want you to be happy. Like I said in my card, I wasn't surprised. At all. When I came home and told [gf whose name has been omitted] that you were going to write me a letter and explain a big change in your life, she guessed it. And don't be mad, but so did a friend of mine who I talk to about a lot of things. But they were both supportive - they were not judgmental at all.
I truly believe this is the hardest letter I have ever written. You know how hard it is for me to express certain things, just like it is for you. Look, you're my best friend, we've been through a lot of life's lessons together. I think a lot of people may not understand our friendship, but I feel it comes from the heart. We have supported each other in all kinds of endeavors and no matter what, as long as it was what we wanted, and we were happy, that's all that ever mattered to both of us. I'll be honest with you. I have always noticed that you weren't comfortable (I don't mean that in a bad way) and I do believe that you truly want this. I'm just worried about how other people may treat you... other friends, family, people you work with, etc. I just don't want it to be too hard on you. You have been through enough in your lifetime already. I guess what I'm saying is that I really hope it is easier for you to make this change in Boston than it is here. I guess what I'm basically saying is that I'm concerned for your safety. I just don't want people to look down on you or anything. I want people to still see you for the good person you are. I love you and want you to be careful, and I will be here for you, no matter what (I can't stress that enough). You're still my best friend (I hope) so now I just tell people that my best friend is a guy. Man, that sounds weird. That is a big adjustment for me - feels kinda strange. Just bear with me here - I have to get some things off my chest but I don't mean anything personal. I just need to vent and get some things off my chest (can you tell I'm nervous??) I have a tendency to repeat myself. I can't stress enough that I DO support you and I love you, but I have to let you know some things I've been thinking about.
I read all the information you sent me and I even bought a folder to keep it all in. I'm with you! I know you are still the same person but it's really hard for me to picture this whole process. I mean, I'm scared to death that the next time I see you I won't even recognize you. More than anything, that is what keeps going through my mind. Also, I'm kind of hurt that you felt you had to move so damn far away to make this change, without being near all your friends for support. I know you have [the woman I lived with in Boston] for support and I'm grateful for that but I just don't want you to feel abandoned by your friends here. Plus, I felt like you were my sister, almost a twin sister. Now what do I have, a brother? I guess I can just always say I have a twin brother that lives in Boston (ha ha!) More than anything, I'm hurt because you never felt like you could talk to me about this. I know I'm not making any sense. I guess I'm just confused. Like, when I call there, who do I ask for? Who do I address this letter to? Is it all official now? That one pamphlet you sent me said you can petition the court to have your sex legally changed - are you going to do that? Do y'all go to straight clubs or gay clubs? See, I have lots of questions and you know I probably wouldn't ask them all in person.
I would love to come to Boston to see you during all of this, it might help me to get a better grasp on it all. But you know, money! You have to send me pictures or something. You truly have no idea how scared I am that I won't be able to recognize you! I don't ever want to lose you as a best friend. Hell who knows, I may need you to hook me up again one day! I just want you to know that even though I'm full of questions please believe me that I love you! And I'm here for you. I also ask that you'll help me. I'm also glad you have someone like [my roommate in Boston] to help you. You seem really happy right now. If she's reading this, please take good care of my buddy! I really miss you man, and somehow I get this weird feeling that I'm never going to see you again. Before you left, we could pick up the phone, meet for dinner and catch up like yesterday. Please, lets just hold onto our friendship. Promise me! You are one of the few friends I have left from way back since the whole [girl we both liked] incident. Who knows, maybe one day I'll feel the need to get away and I'll move to Boston and we can go pick up women together (of course we must go to a gay bar, sorry).
Well, I think I've spilled enough guts for one day! Please believe me that I'm behind you 100% (even things I have questions about) Be careful. Write back as soon as you get this letter. I'll be waiting for your reply. While you're at it, why don't you send me a new picture of you for my collection of photos. Take good care.
I love you man!

----------------------

I'm happy to report that we are still friends to this day, we did see one another on more than one occasion since I started my transition, and she did recognize me every time, lol. The years and the miles have put a little more distance in our relationship than I'd like, but I intend to fix that :) With the internet now, there's no reason the miles should matter!

And to my friend: If you're reading this - please know that I still love you and still consider you my oldest, dearest friend. This letter was so incredible and your support was (and is) important to me. Some of your fears were right on... I lost some friends, and some family. I did have to deal with some pretty significant intolerance, hatred, and even some threats along the way. But I persevered. And now, 13 years later, I am so happy and so grateful I was able to do this and be true to myself! I am so happy with who I am, I found love, an unconditional, deep, incredible love and I can't imagine where I'd be today had I not followed this path. I am very lucky! I still miss going out with you and I'd still share shirts with you! I am very happy for you and your new love, and look forward to getting to know her. You're proof that this wall between the lesbian and trans communities doesn't need to exist. Thank you for being what's right about our GLBT community! P.S. When I make it back down for a visit, we must go to the BRB and tie one on, for old for old times sake! Love ya!

Trans & Passing

I never really used the term passing. I also never really gave the term any thought, until recently, and I decided I don't like it. To me, it implies pretending... passing oneself off as, etc. No offense to those who use the word - but if you do, have you really thought about what you're saying? That you're passing for the gender you identify with - not that you ARE that gender. It plays right back in to the ol gender stereotypes. Men are expected to look a certain way, and women are expected to look a certain way. If you're trans, and look male/female enough, then you "pass". It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Lately, this seems to be one of the things the trans haters are using to discredit and ridicule the trans community. But hell, I've seen Butches who barely pass for female - including some that could totally pass for male. But if you were to tell them they don't look like women, you'd be called out for being a misogynist. Because Butches should be able to present any way they want to, and not have their gender ID questioned or be forced into a "gender straightjacket" - I agree, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't expect the freedom to be your authentic self and be free of gender rules and regulations, and then turn around and ridicule a transman for not looking male enough, or a transwoman for not looking female enough.
I'd love to see the term "passing" removed from the trans vocabulary. I'd love to see a society in which individuals have the freedom to be who they want to be, and be respected and treated fairly regardless of their appearance or gender.

Houston Independent School District Adds Gender ID Protection

Wow, a story coming out of my hometown that doesn't make me ashamed to be a Texan. The HISD has added protection for gender identity and expression to it's anti-discrimination policy. This measure passed unanimously. The policy already included protection for sexual orientation, and now, with this new revision, Houston has moved ahead of many cities across the US that, in the past, have been considered more liberal and inclusive. This new policy change protects both students and employees of the district.

The policy reads:

Employees of the District shall not discriminate on the basis of or engage in harassment motivated by age, race, color, ancestry, national origin, sex, handicap or disability, marital status, religion, veteran status, political affiliation, sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression. A substantiated charge of harassment against a student or employee shall result in disciplinary action.

In addition, another change to the policy, is that a student found to be bullying another student can be moved to another school in the district.

Way to go Houston!

No More 'Boys' and 'Girls' at Swedish School

I read a story on CNN this morning about a gender neutral preschool in Sweden, that is referring to the kids as "friends" rather than boys and girls. It is an effort to allow the children to grow and play in a non gender stereotyped environment, allowing them to be who they want to be. I think this is a very interesting idea, whether it changes anything in the long run remains to be seen, but kudos to them for their forward thinking!

You can read the full story HERE

Beware of Man Hate (Misandry) Disguised as Feminism

Feminism purports to concern itself with equality - but much of radical feminism perpetuates mistrust, division and hatred between the genders. Respect between the sexes should be a two-way street. I get that it hasn't always been that way for women, I realize that full women's suffrage wasn't realized in this country until 1920. There's still A LOT of work to do, I realize that women still make less than men in similar positions with similar, oftentimes, greater qualifications. I realize that women are victims of violence in greater numbers than men. I GET all that, and I am 100% for equality, and for the misogynistic bullshit to stop. I agree that misogyny still exists - but so does misandry, and misandry is not the solution. With much of the radfem community now, it is evolving into a one-way street where men (bio or otherwise) are expected to be respectful of women (regardless of that woman's attitudes/behavior towards others) while simultaneous disrespect of men is condoned, perpetuated and sometimes even encouraged. I see OVER and OVER on certain radfem blogs, every time a transman gets upset over a nasty post, or shows any defensiveness whatsoever, he is called misogynistic. Yet the women on those blogs say the most vile things back to them, and make broad, sweeping statements about men in general, and that's ok. They refuse to EVER accept responsibility for their own behavior. Lesbian feminists see transmen as becoming one with, and one of the oppressors - as well as caving in to societal misogyny. Countering the skewed opinions of many of these radfems however, many (most) transmen do not abandon their feminist principles when they transition. In fact, many of them become the kind of men a lot of women hope for, and would like there to be more of. We lived for years as women, we know all about oppression, violence, and misogyny. Many of us, myself included, still fight for women's rights, and use our male privilege (a term I wish didn't need to exist) to add a feminist voice among other men. To call all transmen misogynists is hateful, and has no basis in fact whatsoever. The queer community is very divided as it is, whether it be by race, class, age, physical appearance and ability, politics, educational achievement, etc. To further divide it according to individual gender identity/expression is only going to adversely affect political change, and social transformation for everyone in the greater GLBT community. There is strength in numbers - and you can't expect equality for yourself while denying it to another.

Radfems - The NEW Fascists

I just don't get why the origin of a transperson’s gender identity matters at all to a feminist. Honestly. Whether it’s biological, or a reaction to living in a patriarchal gender binary, or something else altogether, transpeople (like gay & lesbians) are being oppressed because of the gender anxieties of misogynists. Newsflash ladies - hating the oppressed because you’ve arbitrarily decided that they aren’t fighting their own oppression correctly, just makes you another oppressor. These rabid radfems are simply misguided, and engaging in the same sort of patriarchal objectification that men engage in against women. Rather than actually listen to transsexuals, radfems tell transsexuals who & what they are, what they are doing and why, and what they should be doing. Just like every power-up group does to whichever power-down group it wants to dominate. The radfem attitude is quintessentially patriarchal in this regard. It is the very definition of objectification. So congratulations on becoming your own brand of Facists.

Gender & The Butch/FTM Border Wars

When I transitioned back in 1996, I don't recall gender being the hot button issue it is now in the GLBT community. At that time, I was very active in a HUGE lesbian community and had never heard anyone refer to themselves as a Transgender Butch. Up until fairly recently, the term TG Butch confused me. Why would someone use both Transgender AND Butch to describe themselves? But then I realized, that like so many others in our community, I misunderstood the term Transgender. By definition, Transgender means:
a person appearing or attempting to be a member of the opposite sex, as a transsexual or habitual cross-dresser.
However, more accurately, in my opinion, it can be described as those whose psychological self ("gender identity") differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. Transgender and Transsexual are not the same thing. Transsexualism is defined as:
1. a person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the opposite sex. And 2.a person who has undergone hormone treatment and surgery to attain the physical characteristics of the opposite sex.
Going back to Transgender, and social expectations... I see now why some Butches identify with the term Transgender. They are women, they don't have a desire to be men, but they refuse to fit into the narrow gender stereotypes put on women by society. I get that. However, not all Butches feel the need/desire to label themselves this way, and I get that too. They shouldn't have to label themselves because of the clothes they choose to drape over their bodies, the way they wear their hair, etc. I think a lot of young Butches get caught up in this confusion, and I agree that, sometimes they feel they should transition, or are pressured to transition based on their appearance or the way they carry themselves. Gender is a narrow social construct. And these restrictive gender roles that society has created don't allow for freedom of expression, leading people to question their gender oftentimes. I encourage anyone questioning their gender to really dig down and find out why they feel the way they do. If it has to do with the clothes you feel comfortable in, the toys you preferred growing up, etc. - it could be that you just simply don't fit into this rigid expectation. It doesn't automatically mean that you're trans, and if you look at the research & the statistics - chances are, you're not. Transsexualism, on the other hand, is so much harder to explain/understand if you haven't lived it. I will try to explain it the best way I can. As early as I can remember, it was a feeling I had, an overwhelming feeling of being a boy. It had nothing to do with my clothes, toys, parents, etc. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a boy looking back. I told my parents when I was 4, that I was a boy. I was told I was a tomboy, and that it was ok to be a tomboy. So I thought, ok, maybe that's it. I really didn't worry too much about it when I was little. I wore whatever I wanted to, which was usually jeans and cowboy boots and the occasional baseball jersey. When I was about 10, I just started telling people I met, that I was a boy. I would often sit and reflect on who I was. I was a very introspective kid. When I pictured myself growing up, I pictured myself as a man. In my dreams, I was a boy. When I came out as a lesbian at 19, it was for lack of any other place to fit in. I hung out with a very large group of lesbians, and quite a few wonderful Butch women, one of them being Dot Thompson, who I blogged about previously. She was a wonderful, strong, fierce woman. But I didn't see myself in any of these women I spent so much time with. I felt like an interloper. It was safe to be Butch, I saw Butch role models every day, I hung out at what was the largest lesbian bar in the world at that time, and still, I felt completely out of place. I hated being called a lesbian, I hated being called Butch, because I felt like a man. I went through over a year of intense therapy on my way to making the decision to transition. It was in no way, shape, or form due to any "trend" - I didn't know one other trans person, male OR female. My Butch friends, after I announced my plan to transition, said they weren't surprised, and that I never seemed quite comfortable with myself. I know I am not, and cannot be biologically male. I'm ok with that. Transition didn't change how I see myself, I always saw the man I am today. All it changed was how the world sees me, and allows who I always was on the inside, to be visible. It isn't about getting a "man-card" or being macho, it isn't about stereotypes at all. I don't work on my own car, I don't hunt or fish, I don't like Spike TV or act like a badass, I don't talk smack about my wife to other men. I like to cook, do most of the housekeeping, I like to go to garage sales, and sometimes, I like scrapbooking. I am not stereotypical - be it male, female, OR trans. I am me, and I look in the mirror and see the same person I always did. Sure, I'm a little hairier and a little bigger, but it's always been the same me. I don't see how I'm a threat to the Butch community, I respect and admire Butches, and although I know some young Butches consider transition a trendy thing to do - I think they're the minority. I also think that this could be better addressed by Butches and Transmen working together to educate the younger members of our community, rather than allowing this wall to grow higher and higher between us. And if you disagree with this, at the very least, stop the unnecessary bashing and spreading of misinformation. No one can/should tell any other person that their gender identity is inauthentic. It's just bullshit. Basically, what I see the trans haters saying, is that a person's gender identity can't be proven/changed with a piece of paper, a revised birth certificate, a doctor's note, or maybe a physical inspection. Proven? Perhaps not, because the truth is, your gender identity is how you feel on the INSIDE, regardless of whether you're Butch or Trans. I don't think anyone enjoys being judged - regardless of who you are, so is it too much to ask to just respect one another's identities, whether you understand it or not? The old adage may be a bit cheesy... but I believe in treating others the way I want to be treated.

How Do I Know if My Comment Will Be Deleted?

Yes, I will delete comments that I find to be mean, insulting, homophobic, containing medical/psychological advice, etc. Here are some pointers:

* If you want to point out that you disagree with transition, keep it intelligent, keep it free of insults, and know that if it contains the phrases 'male medical machine', 'female transitioners' or insults such as tranny, or otherwise insulting trans people, it WILL be gone.

* Likewise, if a trans person posts a comment insulting the lesbian community, Butches, etc, or makes misogynistic comments in general, it WILL be deleted.

* Posting comments with any type of medical advice will be removed. This blog isn't about diagnosing one another, whether it be medically or psychologically. If you're seeking medical advice, I will be happy to help you find a medical professional in your area.

I encourage healthy debate & conversation, and I will not tolerate bullying.

Featured on Paul V's, "Born This Way" Blog

"Born This Way" Blog: Mike: "Mike, age 6 Houston, TX (1975) I was born a biological female in 1969, but knew as young as age 4 that I was 'different.' I didn't have the..."

Radfem Lesbians and Hatred Towards FTMs

This whole rift between FTMs and some lesbians continues on... and I'm coming to terms with the fact that there just may be no end in sight. I want to make it clear that I am referencing only that portion of the radfem lesbian community that is anti-trans, and I realize they are not the majority (I hope!) Some of my best friends are lesbians and I admire them so much. But for the rest, like Benjamin Franklin said, "Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn." The truth is largely this: a number of radical feminist lesbians hate men and actually seek to make it very mutual. The constant clamor about FTMs and misogyny is just psychological projection, a transfer of their own attitudes onto the opposite gender, whom they despise. However, I do love it when these women (speaking only of those who hate FTMs) finally expose their true natures to the world. They've managed to hide their vileness for long enough - continuously pretending to be weak and hapless victims when, in fact, they can be some of the most nasty and malevolent humans on the planet. 
My main concern is for the younger Butches and FTMs who are still trying to figure out how they fit into not only their skin, but into society. I worry because I know how hard this road can be...  I think everyone has experienced a strong desire to do or be something only to have someone else tell them they can't, or shouldn't, or shouldn't be allowed to. All the insults, the bogus reasons as to why we are incapable of following our aspirations, and the negative reactions we may receive from all kinds of people... what do they really amount to? They shouldn't have an effect on us, because they're ignorant to who and what we are, and what we're capable of as individuals. There's a reason race horses wear blinders... if you're one of those people being affected by this hate trend in the GLBT community, just keep the focus on you and your own truth, and leave the haters in your dust. Peace out!

Randomosity

Wow, you'd think working from home I would be able to keep up with my blogs. Nah. I get so busy doing stuff around the house that I neglect the computer - which in most cases, is a good thing, but I really do want to be better at this blog.

Since I last blogged, I have been elected to the Board of Directors for the Gay & Lesbian Youth Services committee locally, so I'm pretty stoked about that. They really do a lot for the GLBT youth in our area, including weekly support group, social activities, aiding the local HS GSA's, etc. I think this is going to be a very worthwhile thing to spend some time on! I'm a tad nervous as well, being that I haven't worked in this capacity before. I am also looking into volunteering some time in LaCrosse, WI with the GLBT youth group there. We did a family presentation there recently and man, talk about some GREAT kids! I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with them. I was especially touched by the 14yo lesbian couple who spoke about holding hands at school and the wish I ha sneers they got from some people. But they were so committed to being out and being themselves regardless. I wish I had been that brave at 14!


I'm still passionate about trying to figure out & do something about this rift between the lesbian & trans communities, before we destroy the solidarity we ALL need so desperately to change society. I just don't get it, and I've tried really hard to. I realize that both groups need different things to happen, and I know that we're very different in not only our past, but in our goals as communities. But I also know we want much of the same as well. I'm especially troubled by hearing repeatedly that we were not born trans. The term “gender identity” was co-opted by the powers that be (medicine, society, etc) for the most part, to mean “gender delusion” (“well ok, we'll let you identify however you want,”). I repeatedly hear that lesbians have the same past, and the same issues but that transmen chose to take the easy out, and caved to societal stereotypes. That we hated ourselves so much as non stereotypical women, that we started cutting off healthy body parts, That our transitions are rooted in misogyny, etc. And then even those who claim to be supportive and understanding, still tend to define us by our biology. I wish so badly that I really KNEW how to put into words what it felt like as a small child who was trans, who maybe didn't have the vocabulary for it, but KNEW. I feel like if I could let others inside my head for one day, they'd really GET it. And I always come back to this... whether you really get it or not, where's the basic humanity gone in our community? When did we start turning on one another? 


Why is the intolerance we get from society not enough?