I want to address the NUMBER ONE biggest misconception regarding the trans community. And that is, that we transition to take the "easy way out". Just hearing those words... feels so bizarre to me. Easy. The easy way. Wow. Nothing could be farther from the truth. People think we transition to the opposite gender so that we can easily blend right in to mainstream society. So that we can gain privileges we weren't allowed before. In other words, rather than live with the streotypes and discrimination we would endure for being gay or lesbian (and not ALL transsexuals were gay or lesbian prior to transition), we transition to get rid of the label. Well I'm here to tell you, there's nothing remotely easy about it. Not deciding to move forward with it, not easy to come out to friends and family, not easy to navigate insurance rules and juggle paying for expensive medical and therapy appointments. Not easy coming up with tens of thousands of dollars for surgery, or looking for jobs and going through background checks. Not easy losing friends and family, or dealing with a community that doesn't always want you around. Not easy being left out of legislation for the sake of getting laws passed to protect the G and L. And certainly not easy dealing with other people's ignorance and intolerance every step of the way. It was by far, the hardest thing I have done, I lost friends, I lost family. I've experienced hate crime, I've had death threats. I'm certainly not complaining, I'm here, I'm happy and it was all worth it to get to where I am today - and I'd go back and do it all over again. But it was anything but the "easy way out".
It's fine if you choose not to encourage it, or even support it. But you can have your opinions while still respecting other human beings, and preserving not only their dignity, but your own. It is possible to express one's disagreement with a situation and discuss your personal reasons and views without trodding all over someone else's identity. Your disapproval of it is your prerogative, but that doesn't make you in the right. Have whatever personal beliefs you want, and feel free to express them as your OPINION, but please, don't think for one second that the decision to go through transition and the fallout that can come from it is easy. Easy would have been remaining in the gender I was born, keeping my circle of friends intact, keeping my job, my home, and keeping my sense of community. That would have been much EASIER. But I wouldn't have been being true to myself and my soul.
Well said. I would like to add that the MtF segment of the trans population actually gives up a lot of privilege to become who we are truly meant to be. But then of course we often are accused of transitioning to "fool" women, invade women only spaces and to steal lesbians away from "legitimate" lesbians. Just so much horse manure and bizarre justifications for discrimination. There has never been a transperson who EVER had it "easy". We all end up losing and scarificing much simply trying to lead lives of truth and seeking some small measure of happiness.
ReplyDeleteI never thought of it like that--I'm not being sarcastic, I really didn't. I also realized after I typed out my reply on your earlier blog that I'm wrong for judging all MTF based on those 2 that I knew personally--in my defense, I will say their behavior was so extreme that in another couple years they would've put me off humans. lol! Still, I wouldn't appreciate being judged that way. I totally get what you said that the negativity may have stemmed from that word you hate; they will never pass. The post-op was now anatomically correct, yet still looked as though in drag despite every effort. I could see from the facial shape of the pre-op this would be the lifelong case for her too. The FTM I met was already sorta passing without even any hormones. He had an effeminate quality about him, but nothing that would've screamed female. I never thought of any of that until you brought it up and especially not the background check part. Yeah...how would that work? It's different for Chaz Bono than the world at large.
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) I'm sorry you lost a sister. I also lost a job once for having a female partner. In San Francisco, of all places. Can you believe that sh*t!
beware: Very well put. And you know, I constantly hear about how FTMs are just seeking male privilege - and I've never even thought about how MTFs walk away from male privilege! Thank you for making me aware of that! ((((( you )))))
ReplyDeleteEccentricity: I didn't take it as sarcastic at all. There's a lot about transition that people outside the trans community don't know. Some choose to enlighten themselves and at least attempt to learn more and be a little more tolerant. Others make wild unfounded assumptions - like dirt - and then spread myths and untruths and generalizations and call it fact. I feel you're a little more open minded than maybe even you think you are :) And it doesn't mean you're gonna run out and be a trans activist - but I think you're a better person for being willing to have honest, civil dialogue and not just jump on the anti-trans bandwagon. Kudos to you for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd the San Fran thing... fucking ridiculous!!
Oh wow man, I love this post! It brought tears to my eyes! I love how you write and how you say exactly what I'm feelin so many times. Thank you for everything you do for us.
ReplyDeleteOnce again you astound me Mate. This is a very heartfelt entry. I am so sorry you lost a sister through your transition. I sincerely hope she comes around. But regardless, you are a wonderful role model for young people, I hope you're reaching them with your journal.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see that Eccentricity is speaking the way she is. I'm truly shocked, expecially reading some of her comments on Dirts page...
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be rude. But, I'm truly interested in seeing how she and Dirt would interact (via Dirt's blog comments) behind closed doors...
Meaning I truly hope that she is not speaking with a forked tongue here. I've read some pretty hurtful things from her. But, I have faith that what she says is true. Ignorance can only be defeated with empathy. Perhaps she is learning it...
Amazing post. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for truly educating the others about us.
Anon: Wow, thank you for the compliment. I just write from the heart :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I believe that Eccentricity has had some rather negative experiences with trans folk before, that strongly influenced her opinion of us all... add to that, the fact that dirt comes off as an intellectual (or tries to) and can be very persuasive to her readers who don't really know a lot about transgender people. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because she's actually listening, and communicating. I am all about helping people learn and have a more tolerant attitude. Thanks for reading the blog and most of all, for your input!
I removed the recent conversation stream, and I want to say that it was very difficult for me, as I never want to appear to be orchestrating my comments like some other blogs do. I don't mind debate, I don't mind disagreement, but I don't want it to veer away from a constructive flow and turn into something ugly. I hope you understand, I don't want to put any readers off, and I did see both sides of the recent debate, and had hoped it would turn to something positive, but it just seemed to spiral the other direction. I also had a concern about it putting other readers off. Anyway, I hope you both forgive me, and I encourage you both to stick around and see if we can't all find some common ground.
ReplyDeleteHi, i'm one of the people you were worried about not wanting to comment because the comments here were turning ugly. I want to understand transgenders but i don't want to do it in a heated kind of setting or where i'm afraid of getting flamed. I am not anti transgender or anything - i just really don't understand it. I think you did the right thing by removing the argumentative comments - no offense to either Cam or Eccentricity, just felt uncomfortable.
ReplyDelete