This is my place to think out loud, rant, analyze, celebrate, babble, etc. It may involve issues such as morality, feminism, transphobia, homosexuality, politics, or atheism - and sometimes, I just blog about personal stuff. If any of this has the potential to offend you, that's yours to work out for yourself, as I make no apologies for my personal opinion and am not seeking validation. I'm just a helluva nice guy (who happens to be FTM) with some very strong opinons.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Hate Trending - Who Is Hating
Aside from the fact that she is a bigot, she does not fully source any of her “facts”, and, most disturbingly, she is preying on young people and obsessing on them. She is almost 50 years old, and spends her time compiling photo after photo of people in their teens and early 20s - claiming she's trying to show proof of an epidemic, but all it proves is her sick obsession. Add to that, that she bullies these young people and publicly humiliates them. As a Psychology major, I can tell you that her body language and facial expressions give away the probability that she has borderline personality disorder, and it's highly likely she was mistreated/assaulted by someone as a child/adolescent. I assume the blogging and vlogging that she believes is a good outlet, probably needs to be replaced by intense therapy and anti-psychotic meds. So my point friends, is to stop letting this mentally scarred, disturbed woman get under your skin. She doesn't represent the majority of the greater GLBT community - at best, she represents a tiny, invisible fraction of the lesbian community. She will NEVER get what she wants. Trans rights are being acknowledged in more and more states, we're moving forward, we aren't going anywhere! Times are changing for the better for the Trans community - and hateful, unhappy people like dirt will be left in the dust - still sitting behind a computer whining about how we shouldn't have what we DO already have!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Miami Dade Schools Add Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation Protection
The Miami-Dade School District, the fourth largest in the nation, today joined other districts across the state of Florida in protecting students from bullying based on gender identity or sexual orientation. The move by the Miami-Dade school board to add gender identity to its anti-discrimination and harassment policy was greeted with praise by both Equality Florida and the Miami-Dade Safe Schools Coalition who have been working diligently for years to pass such protections.
With this latest victory, one and a half million students representing nearly 60% of Florida’s school population are now protected from bullying based on sexual orientation and gender identity, ranking Florida fourth in the nation.
In a statement, Stratton Pollitzer, Equality Florida's Deputy Director said: "This is a tipping point for the state but our work continues until every school district large and small provides these vital protections."
I am happy to see reports like this, too many young lives have been affected by hate and intolerance, and it's about time people stop focusing on what makes us different, and realize that ALL KIDS MATTER! Way to go Miami-Dade!
To read more about it: Equality Florida
With this latest victory, one and a half million students representing nearly 60% of Florida’s school population are now protected from bullying based on sexual orientation and gender identity, ranking Florida fourth in the nation.
In a statement, Stratton Pollitzer, Equality Florida's Deputy Director said: "This is a tipping point for the state but our work continues until every school district large and small provides these vital protections."
I am happy to see reports like this, too many young lives have been affected by hate and intolerance, and it's about time people stop focusing on what makes us different, and realize that ALL KIDS MATTER! Way to go Miami-Dade!
To read more about it: Equality Florida
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Destiny
So, I commented on this ridiculous post on 'that other blog'... but my comments get deleted on a very regular basis (even though she claims over and over not to delete comments) So, I'm cross posting it here for when it disappears over there.
*Edited to add* My comment was gone in less than 15min at the other blog, as I suspected would be the case....
My responses are in italics.
dirt said: "Like so many other contradictory aspects of transition, those in the never ending state of transition constantly claim that "biology isnt destiny" while proving every day of their trans lives that they in fact really believe that it is."
Ridiculous. And again with the blanket generalizations! I've never claimed the above... and have actually NEVER heard that claim made. And transition isn't "never ending" - mine is done. I am transitioned. You state all the following "ifs" as though they are a given for all transmen...
If you change your manner of dress after transition, you believed biology is destiny.
I didn't. I dressed the same way prior to transition.
If you seek out employment as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.
I didn't. I have been employed in the same field since about 7 years prior to transitioning.
If you use a restroom as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.
I always used the mens restroom in public. Even prior to transition.
If you go topless as the perceived sex and you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I don't. Why? Because we all can't and I don't like the double standard. When a woman can bare her breasts in public at all the same places men can, then I'll consider it.
If you receive straight male privileges that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
Well obviously, male privilege exists and any transman who claims it doesn't is full of shit. It's what you do with that privilege that counts - none of us ask for male privilege. Some enjoy it I'm sure, I do not... but I am not at fault for the issue of male privilege.
If you expect entryway into certain spaces AFTER transition that you didnt expect before, you believe that biology is destiny.
So - I'm assuming you mean male spaces? Because if you mean female spaces, then why wouldn't I have been granted entryway before transition? In either case - I have never expected entry into an all woman event or college since transition, and wouldn't have expected entry into an all male space prior to.
If you act differently as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
My personality, mannerisms, behavior, etc. have not changed. I am the same person I've always been, just changed the packaging a little :)
If you were afraid of doing something as your actual sex that you arent as your perceived sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
This makes no sense to me... you'd have to be a little more clear on this one. Like my fear of heights? Scared of heights then and now...
If you socialize more with one sex as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I have always and still do socialize with a variety of people, but since I'm married, it's usually other couples - some of which are gay, some lesbian and some het, (trans AND non-trans hets) My friendship pool & social habits did not change.
If you expect to be treated differently in any way as the perceived sex that you didnt as the actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I just expect to be treated with respect and kindness - then and now. My expectations of others did not change.
So I pretty much deconstructed your very haphazard assumptions of what transition is... clearly, you don't get it. You've just proven that.
*Edited to add* My comment was gone in less than 15min at the other blog, as I suspected would be the case....
My responses are in italics.
dirt said: "Like so many other contradictory aspects of transition, those in the never ending state of transition constantly claim that "biology isnt destiny" while proving every day of their trans lives that they in fact really believe that it is."
Ridiculous. And again with the blanket generalizations! I've never claimed the above... and have actually NEVER heard that claim made. And transition isn't "never ending" - mine is done. I am transitioned. You state all the following "ifs" as though they are a given for all transmen...
If you change your manner of dress after transition, you believed biology is destiny.
I didn't. I dressed the same way prior to transition.
If you seek out employment as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.
I didn't. I have been employed in the same field since about 7 years prior to transitioning.
If you use a restroom as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe biology is destiny.
I always used the mens restroom in public. Even prior to transition.
If you go topless as the perceived sex and you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I don't. Why? Because we all can't and I don't like the double standard. When a woman can bare her breasts in public at all the same places men can, then I'll consider it.
If you receive straight male privileges that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
Well obviously, male privilege exists and any transman who claims it doesn't is full of shit. It's what you do with that privilege that counts - none of us ask for male privilege. Some enjoy it I'm sure, I do not... but I am not at fault for the issue of male privilege.
If you expect entryway into certain spaces AFTER transition that you didnt expect before, you believe that biology is destiny.
So - I'm assuming you mean male spaces? Because if you mean female spaces, then why wouldn't I have been granted entryway before transition? In either case - I have never expected entry into an all woman event or college since transition, and wouldn't have expected entry into an all male space prior to.
If you act differently as the perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
My personality, mannerisms, behavior, etc. have not changed. I am the same person I've always been, just changed the packaging a little :)
If you were afraid of doing something as your actual sex that you arent as your perceived sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
This makes no sense to me... you'd have to be a little more clear on this one. Like my fear of heights? Scared of heights then and now...
If you socialize more with one sex as your perceived sex that you didnt as your actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I have always and still do socialize with a variety of people, but since I'm married, it's usually other couples - some of which are gay, some lesbian and some het, (trans AND non-trans hets) My friendship pool & social habits did not change.
If you expect to be treated differently in any way as the perceived sex that you didnt as the actual sex, you believe that biology is destiny.
I just expect to be treated with respect and kindness - then and now. My expectations of others did not change.
So I pretty much deconstructed your very haphazard assumptions of what transition is... clearly, you don't get it. You've just proven that.
Rape is Rape!
In a recent speech at the University of New Hampshire, VP Joe Biden told the story of a college freshman he referred to as Jenny. Jenny was raped after a party on campus. She tried to pursue a case against her rapist, only to be asked if she had been drinking, what she was wearing, and whether she was dancing. The University never took action against her assailant. Sadly, this happens far too often, the victim ends up blamed because she was drinking or somehow led her assailant on, and this is unacceptable! As Biden said, "Rape is rape is rape." Every year, however, when compiling the numbers, the FBI omits hundreds of thousands of rapes from its Uniform Crime Report because it’s using an 80-year-old definition of rape. The FBI’s outdated definition of rape is limited to "the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will." The FBI’s outdated definition of rape excludes any form of sexual assault that falls outside of the narrowest understanding of heterosexual sex, including the rape of men and boys as well as transgender people. The emphasis on "forcible" rape also means that the rape or assault of women with physical or mental disabilities and those who were unconscious or under the influence of drugs and alcohol, like Jenny, are often excluded. The FBI’s 2007 Uniform Crime Report listed 91,874 "forcible rapes," but some estimates suggest the actual number may be 24 times higher. The FBI's underreporting of rapes translates to less federal funding for police departments nationwide to test rape kits, and fewer rapists brought to justice.
Sign below to tell the FBI to update its definition of rape to address and end sexual assault:
Tell the FBI: Rape is Rape!
Source: Change.org
Sign below to tell the FBI to update its definition of rape to address and end sexual assault:
Tell the FBI: Rape is Rape!
Source: Change.org
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sexism is WRONG - Yes, even when it's against men.
Sexism is wrong. It is ugly in any way, shape, or form. Why is it, that little is said about reverse sexism, or misandry - prejudice against men? It DOES exist, and it is rearing its ugly head all over the place. My wife works for a battered womens shelter, however, there is no help for battered men. And they DO call... and she has no choice but to turn them away. Men aren't supposed to ask for help, they're supposed to just "man up" and deal with it. So is it OK for a woman to hit a man? Perhaps because they're men, they deserve it? They had it coming - for every man that was ever bad and hurt a woman, the rest should pay. Is that it? There are A LOT of good men in the world. Kind, loving men. But men are typically viewed as aggressors across the board. I am certainly not suggesting that women aren't abused more often than their male counterparts, and I do realize that women have had a tougher road to get to where we are as a society today. But a by-product of radical feminism (in my opinion) has been misandry, and that should concern us all. True gender equality will only be reached when we stop ALL prejudice. When we start respecting people for who they are, not what gender they are. Discounting someone because of their gender - EITHER gender - is unfair and is destroying any chance at true gender equality in this country.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
More & More Cities Move Towards Trans Health Care
Let the detractors say what they wish - the fact is, acceptance of Transgender people is increasing, and more and more cities are offering, or planning to offer health coverage for Trans people.
Read All About It in USA Today
Read All About It in USA Today
Monday, July 11, 2011
Historic UN Human Rights Resolution Covers Transgender People
On June 17th, the United Nations endorsed the rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in a historic resolution. This is an important shift on an issue that has divided the global body for decades, and much credit was given to the Obama administration’s push for GLBT rights in the United States and abroad.
The resolution calls for a panel discussion to be held next spring, with “constructive, informed and transparent dialogue on the issue of discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against” gays, lesbians and transgender people.
U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a statement: "This represents a historic moment to highlight the human rights abuses and violations that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people face around the world based solely on who they are and whom they love.”
The winds of change are surely blowing.
Read the UN Press Release Here
The resolution calls for a panel discussion to be held next spring, with “constructive, informed and transparent dialogue on the issue of discriminatory laws and practices and acts of violence against” gays, lesbians and transgender people.
U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a statement: "This represents a historic moment to highlight the human rights abuses and violations that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people face around the world based solely on who they are and whom they love.”
The winds of change are surely blowing.
Read the UN Press Release Here
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Don't Assume...
Because I support and will fight for Trans people being able to medically transition once they've received the proper counseling/therapy, I am called a misogynist. Because I didn't feel my body, as it was, portrayed my true self, and felt more at home in the body I was allowed to transition into, I am called a misogynist. Because I don't support radical feminism, and feel that some radfems spread horrible blanket generalizations, and skew the facts to support their extreme stances on these issues, I am called a misogynist.
Don't assume that because I transitioned from female to male, that I hate women.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I hate Butches or want them to transition.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I support men in women's only spaces.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I think I'm better than a woman.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I agree with other transmen attending/transitioning at women's universities.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I want others to transition.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am trying to be trendy.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am stereotypically male.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that women's rights don't matter to me.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I was raised with rigid gender expectations.
Don't assume that because I have scars, that I hate them, or look disfigured. I am PROUD of them!
Don't assume that because I wasn't born with a penis, that I don't feel complete.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am angry.
Don't assume that I am unhappy because I am a transman. I am beyond blessed!
Don't Assume.
Don't assume that because I transitioned from female to male, that I hate women.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I hate Butches or want them to transition.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I support men in women's only spaces.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I think I'm better than a woman.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I agree with other transmen attending/transitioning at women's universities.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, I want others to transition.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am trying to be trendy.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am stereotypically male.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that women's rights don't matter to me.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I was raised with rigid gender expectations.
Don't assume that because I have scars, that I hate them, or look disfigured. I am PROUD of them!
Don't assume that because I wasn't born with a penis, that I don't feel complete.
Don't assume that because I am a transman, that I am angry.
Don't assume that I am unhappy because I am a transman. I am beyond blessed!
Don't Assume.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The War on Planned Parenthood
The GOP has been waging a war against women for years. One of the main issues going on in recent years, is the call to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. For nearly a century, Planned Parenthood has promoted women’s health and well-being, through educationally based programs, based on respect for each individual’s right to make informed, independent decisions about health, sex, and family planning. Conservatives everywhere are using their positions of power to rob women of the valuable health care resources that Planned Parenthood provides. The GOP believes cutting funding to Planned Parenthood, thereby preventing women from taking advantage of their services, will reduce the number of abortions performed in the U.S., as they believe this is the mission of Planned Parenthood. And what many don't realize (and the GOP doesn't WANT you to know) is that abortion services make up only 3% of Planned Parenthood's work. They don't tell you about the 83% of their work devoted to PREVENTING unplanned/unwanted pregnancies - they don't tell you about the one MILLION pap smears, and the over 800,000 breast health exams they provide each year. They also provide 4 MILLION STD/HIV tests, and provide educational programs to over 1 million young people each year. We are already seeing the results of the GOPs war on women, right here in Minnesota. Planned Parenthood plans to close six Minnesota clinics on Aug. 1 because of federal budget cuts. NONE of these clinics provided abortions. What these clinics DID provide, were breast cancer screenings, pap smears,contraception, as well as testing for cervical cancer and sexually transmitted diseases to low income Minnesotans - people who were trying to be responsible for their health, and for the health of their families.
Of course, none of this matters to Conservatives, who seek to force their christian ideologies and "family values" on the Nation.
Look, the point is, I don't like the idea of abortion personally. I understand how people can’t bear the thought of it, and they have the right to their convictions, but they don't have the right to impose it on others who don't share the same convictions. Regardless, this is NOT the mission of Planned Parenthood. I don’t understand is why anyone would want to eliminate funding when the REAL mission of Planned Parenthood, focuses on contraception and reproductive health for those who couldn’t otherwise afford it. Planned Parenthood isn't some insidious group, scheming to undermine America's moral precepts. It's a lifeline for the economically disadvantaged who have a desire to be responsible with their bodies and their sexuality, and avoid a future filled with regret.
Basically, what I'm saying, is if it isn't YOUR uterus, stay out of it.
Of course, none of this matters to Conservatives, who seek to force their christian ideologies and "family values" on the Nation.
Look, the point is, I don't like the idea of abortion personally. I understand how people can’t bear the thought of it, and they have the right to their convictions, but they don't have the right to impose it on others who don't share the same convictions. Regardless, this is NOT the mission of Planned Parenthood. I don’t understand is why anyone would want to eliminate funding when the REAL mission of Planned Parenthood, focuses on contraception and reproductive health for those who couldn’t otherwise afford it. Planned Parenthood isn't some insidious group, scheming to undermine America's moral precepts. It's a lifeline for the economically disadvantaged who have a desire to be responsible with their bodies and their sexuality, and avoid a future filled with regret.
Basically, what I'm saying, is if it isn't YOUR uterus, stay out of it.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Let Us Not Forget Today, We Are Not All Equal
In the patriotic excitement we all get caught up in on Independence Day, let's remember that not all Americans share the same freedoms. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't enjoy today (I plan on BBQing and popping open a few cold ones) but let's keep in mind today as we celebrate:
* That only 6 states allow gays & lesbians the freedom to marry, and those marriages are ignored in all other states with the exception of New York & California - and still forbidden federal recognition entirely.
* That DADT is still law, and GLBT people are still prohibited from serving our country openly.
* That only 34 states have Hate Crimes laws - and only 12 of those include gender identity in their protection.
* That it's still legal to fire an employee for being gay in 29 states - 38 if you happen to be Trans.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."...
That only applies if you are heterosexual AND cisgendered. The rest of us are still waiting for that promise to be fulfilled.
* That only 6 states allow gays & lesbians the freedom to marry, and those marriages are ignored in all other states with the exception of New York & California - and still forbidden federal recognition entirely.
* That DADT is still law, and GLBT people are still prohibited from serving our country openly.
* That only 34 states have Hate Crimes laws - and only 12 of those include gender identity in their protection.
* That it's still legal to fire an employee for being gay in 29 states - 38 if you happen to be Trans.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."...
That only applies if you are heterosexual AND cisgendered. The rest of us are still waiting for that promise to be fulfilled.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
"It's not Transphobia, it's the TRUTH!
If I had a dollar for every time I see/hear this from within the greater GLBT community - and from an increasingly high number of Butch lesbians, well, I'd probably be able to help a financially strapped transman pay for his chest reconstruction! How do we define 'truth'? Well, Merriam-Webster defines it as:
The state of being the case: the body of real things, events & facts.
Now let's look at the definition of homo/trans phobia: (Merriam-Webster didn't have transphobia listed, as it's a fairly new term - but obviously if you swap out homo for trans, it would be the same)
An irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against trans people.
So, I ask you, whose "truth" are we using? Throwing the word truth around is a slippery slope. They claim that transmen/women can't possibly be truly happy. This an unfounded, unproven, wild assumption. I am very happy. No, I'm not fooling myself, or on a "trans high" - I transitioned over 13 years ago, I think the high would have worn off by now. I know I am not a biological man. I like to think of myself as a biologically challenged man. :) I don't need biology to be on my side to live the life I choose. And I know so many other trans men and women who are happy with their decision, whose lives were, in fact, saved by the ability to transition to the gender they feel more congruent with. This is OUR truth. You don't have to like it. You don't have to live it, but you can't decide what's true for us.
The claims that the trans community is somehow trying to recruit from the lesbian (Butch) community, and that we are pressuring young people to transition, is ludicrous. I'm not suggesting that peer pressure NEVER happens. I'm sure it does. I'm not suggesting that there aren't young people transitioning to be "trendy" - I'm sure some do. But to blanket an entire community with those accusations is unfair - and whether you like the word or not, it IS transphobic.
In closing, I want to reiterate that I admire and applaud Butch women. I love that they're fighting the social construct of gender and throwing out the rules and roles put on them by society. I especially appreciate those who can do that, and at the same time, feel confident enough in themselves not to be threatened by the trans community. The plain and simple TRUTH is that none of us have the right to assign an identity to anyone else, regardless of our personal beliefs/attitudes/opinions/phobias. The sooner we ALL get that sorted out, and stop calling everyone out on their identity and their truths, the sooner we can all work together to rid the laws of this country of ALL discrimination.
The state of being the case: the body of real things, events & facts.
Now let's look at the definition of homo/trans phobia: (Merriam-Webster didn't have transphobia listed, as it's a fairly new term - but obviously if you swap out homo for trans, it would be the same)
An irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against trans people.
So, I ask you, whose "truth" are we using? Throwing the word truth around is a slippery slope. They claim that transmen/women can't possibly be truly happy. This an unfounded, unproven, wild assumption. I am very happy. No, I'm not fooling myself, or on a "trans high" - I transitioned over 13 years ago, I think the high would have worn off by now. I know I am not a biological man. I like to think of myself as a biologically challenged man. :) I don't need biology to be on my side to live the life I choose. And I know so many other trans men and women who are happy with their decision, whose lives were, in fact, saved by the ability to transition to the gender they feel more congruent with. This is OUR truth. You don't have to like it. You don't have to live it, but you can't decide what's true for us.
The claims that the trans community is somehow trying to recruit from the lesbian (Butch) community, and that we are pressuring young people to transition, is ludicrous. I'm not suggesting that peer pressure NEVER happens. I'm sure it does. I'm not suggesting that there aren't young people transitioning to be "trendy" - I'm sure some do. But to blanket an entire community with those accusations is unfair - and whether you like the word or not, it IS transphobic.
In closing, I want to reiterate that I admire and applaud Butch women. I love that they're fighting the social construct of gender and throwing out the rules and roles put on them by society. I especially appreciate those who can do that, and at the same time, feel confident enough in themselves not to be threatened by the trans community. The plain and simple TRUTH is that none of us have the right to assign an identity to anyone else, regardless of our personal beliefs/attitudes/opinions/phobias. The sooner we ALL get that sorted out, and stop calling everyone out on their identity and their truths, the sooner we can all work together to rid the laws of this country of ALL discrimination.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Our Bodies
So a HUGE part of the trans-bashing that certain other blogs engage in, is the repeated assertion that we have ugly, mutilated bodies, made grotesque by all the "hacked off" parts. Well I'm here to tell you, and I can only speak for myself (although I know this will be true for most trans men and women) - I LOVE my body! Sure, I have scars that are faintly visible, a reminder of my chest reconstruction. A reminder of how I used to think I would always have to bind, would always avoid looking in the mirror, would always feel sad and be a hermit. I have a scar on my abdomen, a reminder of a time when I thought I would always feel suicidal once a month, a time when I felt like I didn't even KNOW who I was. There was a time, long ago, that I thought I would live the remainder of my life feeling like an alien. Feeling like there was no place for me in this world. But fortunately, there was help. Fortunately, professionals, who KNOW what they're talking about (unlike bloggers with agendas), were able to get my mind sorted out, and help me find the answers I was seeking. Fortunately, there were surgeons willing to use their skills - one of which who had NEVER done a trans related procedure - to help bring my body closer in line with my soul. Once I completed my SRS procedures, it was as though you'd waved a magic wand and I started feeling the cloud cover on my existence lifting. It was truly life saving. I had lost the will to live, I couldn't imagine a future in which I would be forced to feel disconnected from my own body. So for all these people who think they have it all figured out, and think they know what they're talking about... what they call mutilation was, in fact, a revelation. I love my scars. I love that I am free to walk through the world with a clear, settled mind and soul. I love that I can feel proud of who I am and what I've done in my life to follow my truth. No one can take that away from me. I'll take a few faintly visible scars over a pine box any day.
Here are some pics I thought I'd share...
First pic:(circa 2004) Three weeks post op, still pretty swollen but LOVE the result! (The band aid was from a portion of the incision that the Dr. opened up for drainage from the hematoma on that side)
2nd pic: About 2006, 2 years post-op
3rd pic: New ink last year!
4th pic: Healed ink, 2011
Here are some pics I thought I'd share...
First pic:(circa 2004) Three weeks post op, still pretty swollen but LOVE the result! (The band aid was from a portion of the incision that the Dr. opened up for drainage from the hematoma on that side)
2nd pic: About 2006, 2 years post-op
3rd pic: New ink last year!
4th pic: Healed ink, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Binder Program for Those With Financial Need
In need of a binder and can't afford one? My buddy Nick, of The Transitional Male has a program that's been providing binders to those who can show a financial need since 2001! For all the details on how to qualify, including sizing help - please see the note on his facebook page at: How To Qualify for a Binder
Thanks Nick, for doing what you do!
Thanks Nick, for doing what you do!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I Miss My Friend
*This will be a long post... please bear with me*
I blog a lot about stuff that pisses me off. I am not a negative person AT ALL, and I don't let the things that piss me off affect my day to day life - probably because I vent here. But I need to be better about blogging the good stuff! And with all the things going on between the lesbian and trans communities, I got a wonderful little reminder the other day, that there are people intelligent and insightful enough to accept the differences and not feel threatened by someone else's truth. I am talking about my best friend for a huge chunk of my adult life, I won't mention her name out of respect for her privacy. We met at work when I was in my early to mid 20s. She was actually my boss. I've always joked with her that the minute I saw her and handed my application to her, that I knew for a fact I would get the job. We looked very much alike, like ridiculously similar in appearance, my Dad even came in the store once and mistook her for me - and it was obvious we were both 'family" so to speak. We became fast friends at work, I admired her work ethic and the way she managed people. I still do. She was, to this day, the best supervisor I ever worked under. We became pretty inseparable, went out A LOT - maybe too much. We were so close, we even went co-shopping together and shared clothes. When I lost my Dad in 1996, she dropped everything to go home with me and help me through one of the two most painful times in my life - I had lost my Mom two years earlier and was still reeling from that. In the summer of 1998, I decided, after years of contemplating, to leave Texas to begin my transition. I didn't feel I could transition in my home environment where so many people knew me. I felt the area I lived in was too conservative, and that it would just be easier to start this journey in a new place where no one knew me. I had known since childhood who I was - I knew from the age of about 21 that someday I would try to do something about it. I had never explained any of this to her. I thought about it, but really never knew how to bring it up. I feel bad to this day, that I didn't. So I moved to the East Coast, and after some therapy and some solid decision making, I decided to 'come out' to my family and close friends. I chose to do this by writing a heartfelt letter to each person and sending it, along with an FAQ sheet about transsexuality. I wanted to provide the information to them in a very non confrontational way, and allow them time to process what I was telling them and not feel on the spot with me. It turned out to be the right way, because I got great responses from it - not one even coming close to her though. I got a letter back from her that meant so much to me, that for years I kept it in my wallet. It eventually got packed away in a box of keepsakes, and my wife and I found it just the other day. It still means as much to me as the day I got it and I would like to share it:
---------------------
9/5/98
Hello there! I hope all is well in Boston! Since I don't have a computer, I must write you back the old fashioned way. So forgive me if this letter gets too messy. I'm not real sure how to get this letter going - I have debated it for about a week. There is just so much to say and so many questions. But I must address this first - I support you now and will support you through your entire process. There is no doubt about that. I just want you to be happy. Like I said in my card, I wasn't surprised. At all. When I came home and told [gf whose name has been omitted] that you were going to write me a letter and explain a big change in your life, she guessed it. And don't be mad, but so did a friend of mine who I talk to about a lot of things. But they were both supportive - they were not judgmental at all.
I truly believe this is the hardest letter I have ever written. You know how hard it is for me to express certain things, just like it is for you. Look, you're my best friend, we've been through a lot of life's lessons together. I think a lot of people may not understand our friendship, but I feel it comes from the heart. We have supported each other in all kinds of endeavors and no matter what, as long as it was what we wanted, and we were happy, that's all that ever mattered to both of us. I'll be honest with you. I have always noticed that you weren't comfortable (I don't mean that in a bad way) and I do believe that you truly want this. I'm just worried about how other people may treat you... other friends, family, people you work with, etc. I just don't want it to be too hard on you. You have been through enough in your lifetime already. I guess what I'm saying is that I really hope it is easier for you to make this change in Boston than it is here. I guess what I'm basically saying is that I'm concerned for your safety. I just don't want people to look down on you or anything. I want people to still see you for the good person you are. I love you and want you to be careful, and I will be here for you, no matter what (I can't stress that enough). You're still my best friend (I hope) so now I just tell people that my best friend is a guy. Man, that sounds weird. That is a big adjustment for me - feels kinda strange. Just bear with me here - I have to get some things off my chest but I don't mean anything personal. I just need to vent and get some things off my chest (can you tell I'm nervous??) I have a tendency to repeat myself. I can't stress enough that I DO support you and I love you, but I have to let you know some things I've been thinking about.
I read all the information you sent me and I even bought a folder to keep it all in. I'm with you! I know you are still the same person but it's really hard for me to picture this whole process. I mean, I'm scared to death that the next time I see you I won't even recognize you. More than anything, that is what keeps going through my mind. Also, I'm kind of hurt that you felt you had to move so damn far away to make this change, without being near all your friends for support. I know you have [the woman I lived with in Boston] for support and I'm grateful for that but I just don't want you to feel abandoned by your friends here. Plus, I felt like you were my sister, almost a twin sister. Now what do I have, a brother? I guess I can just always say I have a twin brother that lives in Boston (ha ha!) More than anything, I'm hurt because you never felt like you could talk to me about this. I know I'm not making any sense. I guess I'm just confused. Like, when I call there, who do I ask for? Who do I address this letter to? Is it all official now? That one pamphlet you sent me said you can petition the court to have your sex legally changed - are you going to do that? Do y'all go to straight clubs or gay clubs? See, I have lots of questions and you know I probably wouldn't ask them all in person.
I would love to come to Boston to see you during all of this, it might help me to get a better grasp on it all. But you know, money! You have to send me pictures or something. You truly have no idea how scared I am that I won't be able to recognize you! I don't ever want to lose you as a best friend. Hell who knows, I may need you to hook me up again one day! I just want you to know that even though I'm full of questions please believe me that I love you! And I'm here for you. I also ask that you'll help me. I'm also glad you have someone like [my roommate in Boston] to help you. You seem really happy right now. If she's reading this, please take good care of my buddy! I really miss you man, and somehow I get this weird feeling that I'm never going to see you again. Before you left, we could pick up the phone, meet for dinner and catch up like yesterday. Please, lets just hold onto our friendship. Promise me! You are one of the few friends I have left from way back since the whole [girl we both liked] incident. Who knows, maybe one day I'll feel the need to get away and I'll move to Boston and we can go pick up women together (of course we must go to a gay bar, sorry).
Well, I think I've spilled enough guts for one day! Please believe me that I'm behind you 100% (even things I have questions about) Be careful. Write back as soon as you get this letter. I'll be waiting for your reply. While you're at it, why don't you send me a new picture of you for my collection of photos. Take good care.
I love you man!
----------------------
I'm happy to report that we are still friends to this day, we did see one another on more than one occasion since I started my transition, and she did recognize me every time, lol. The years and the miles have put a little more distance in our relationship than I'd like, but I intend to fix that :) With the internet now, there's no reason the miles should matter!
And to my friend: If you're reading this - please know that I still love you and still consider you my oldest, dearest friend. This letter was so incredible and your support was (and is) important to me. Some of your fears were right on... I lost some friends, and some family. I did have to deal with some pretty significant intolerance, hatred, and even some threats along the way. But I persevered. And now, 13 years later, I am so happy and so grateful I was able to do this and be true to myself! I am so happy with who I am, I found love, an unconditional, deep, incredible love and I can't imagine where I'd be today had I not followed this path. I am very lucky! I still miss going out with you and I'd still share shirts with you! I am very happy for you and your new love, and look forward to getting to know her. You're proof that this wall between the lesbian and trans communities doesn't need to exist. Thank you for being what's right about our GLBT community! P.S. When I make it back down for a visit, we must go to the BRB and tie one on, for old for old times sake! Love ya!
I blog a lot about stuff that pisses me off. I am not a negative person AT ALL, and I don't let the things that piss me off affect my day to day life - probably because I vent here. But I need to be better about blogging the good stuff! And with all the things going on between the lesbian and trans communities, I got a wonderful little reminder the other day, that there are people intelligent and insightful enough to accept the differences and not feel threatened by someone else's truth. I am talking about my best friend for a huge chunk of my adult life, I won't mention her name out of respect for her privacy. We met at work when I was in my early to mid 20s. She was actually my boss. I've always joked with her that the minute I saw her and handed my application to her, that I knew for a fact I would get the job. We looked very much alike, like ridiculously similar in appearance, my Dad even came in the store once and mistook her for me - and it was obvious we were both 'family" so to speak. We became fast friends at work, I admired her work ethic and the way she managed people. I still do. She was, to this day, the best supervisor I ever worked under. We became pretty inseparable, went out A LOT - maybe too much. We were so close, we even went co-shopping together and shared clothes. When I lost my Dad in 1996, she dropped everything to go home with me and help me through one of the two most painful times in my life - I had lost my Mom two years earlier and was still reeling from that. In the summer of 1998, I decided, after years of contemplating, to leave Texas to begin my transition. I didn't feel I could transition in my home environment where so many people knew me. I felt the area I lived in was too conservative, and that it would just be easier to start this journey in a new place where no one knew me. I had known since childhood who I was - I knew from the age of about 21 that someday I would try to do something about it. I had never explained any of this to her. I thought about it, but really never knew how to bring it up. I feel bad to this day, that I didn't. So I moved to the East Coast, and after some therapy and some solid decision making, I decided to 'come out' to my family and close friends. I chose to do this by writing a heartfelt letter to each person and sending it, along with an FAQ sheet about transsexuality. I wanted to provide the information to them in a very non confrontational way, and allow them time to process what I was telling them and not feel on the spot with me. It turned out to be the right way, because I got great responses from it - not one even coming close to her though. I got a letter back from her that meant so much to me, that for years I kept it in my wallet. It eventually got packed away in a box of keepsakes, and my wife and I found it just the other day. It still means as much to me as the day I got it and I would like to share it:
---------------------
9/5/98
Hello there! I hope all is well in Boston! Since I don't have a computer, I must write you back the old fashioned way. So forgive me if this letter gets too messy. I'm not real sure how to get this letter going - I have debated it for about a week. There is just so much to say and so many questions. But I must address this first - I support you now and will support you through your entire process. There is no doubt about that. I just want you to be happy. Like I said in my card, I wasn't surprised. At all. When I came home and told [gf whose name has been omitted] that you were going to write me a letter and explain a big change in your life, she guessed it. And don't be mad, but so did a friend of mine who I talk to about a lot of things. But they were both supportive - they were not judgmental at all.
I truly believe this is the hardest letter I have ever written. You know how hard it is for me to express certain things, just like it is for you. Look, you're my best friend, we've been through a lot of life's lessons together. I think a lot of people may not understand our friendship, but I feel it comes from the heart. We have supported each other in all kinds of endeavors and no matter what, as long as it was what we wanted, and we were happy, that's all that ever mattered to both of us. I'll be honest with you. I have always noticed that you weren't comfortable (I don't mean that in a bad way) and I do believe that you truly want this. I'm just worried about how other people may treat you... other friends, family, people you work with, etc. I just don't want it to be too hard on you. You have been through enough in your lifetime already. I guess what I'm saying is that I really hope it is easier for you to make this change in Boston than it is here. I guess what I'm basically saying is that I'm concerned for your safety. I just don't want people to look down on you or anything. I want people to still see you for the good person you are. I love you and want you to be careful, and I will be here for you, no matter what (I can't stress that enough). You're still my best friend (I hope) so now I just tell people that my best friend is a guy. Man, that sounds weird. That is a big adjustment for me - feels kinda strange. Just bear with me here - I have to get some things off my chest but I don't mean anything personal. I just need to vent and get some things off my chest (can you tell I'm nervous??) I have a tendency to repeat myself. I can't stress enough that I DO support you and I love you, but I have to let you know some things I've been thinking about.
I read all the information you sent me and I even bought a folder to keep it all in. I'm with you! I know you are still the same person but it's really hard for me to picture this whole process. I mean, I'm scared to death that the next time I see you I won't even recognize you. More than anything, that is what keeps going through my mind. Also, I'm kind of hurt that you felt you had to move so damn far away to make this change, without being near all your friends for support. I know you have [the woman I lived with in Boston] for support and I'm grateful for that but I just don't want you to feel abandoned by your friends here. Plus, I felt like you were my sister, almost a twin sister. Now what do I have, a brother? I guess I can just always say I have a twin brother that lives in Boston (ha ha!) More than anything, I'm hurt because you never felt like you could talk to me about this. I know I'm not making any sense. I guess I'm just confused. Like, when I call there, who do I ask for? Who do I address this letter to? Is it all official now? That one pamphlet you sent me said you can petition the court to have your sex legally changed - are you going to do that? Do y'all go to straight clubs or gay clubs? See, I have lots of questions and you know I probably wouldn't ask them all in person.
I would love to come to Boston to see you during all of this, it might help me to get a better grasp on it all. But you know, money! You have to send me pictures or something. You truly have no idea how scared I am that I won't be able to recognize you! I don't ever want to lose you as a best friend. Hell who knows, I may need you to hook me up again one day! I just want you to know that even though I'm full of questions please believe me that I love you! And I'm here for you. I also ask that you'll help me. I'm also glad you have someone like [my roommate in Boston] to help you. You seem really happy right now. If she's reading this, please take good care of my buddy! I really miss you man, and somehow I get this weird feeling that I'm never going to see you again. Before you left, we could pick up the phone, meet for dinner and catch up like yesterday. Please, lets just hold onto our friendship. Promise me! You are one of the few friends I have left from way back since the whole [girl we both liked] incident. Who knows, maybe one day I'll feel the need to get away and I'll move to Boston and we can go pick up women together (of course we must go to a gay bar, sorry).
Well, I think I've spilled enough guts for one day! Please believe me that I'm behind you 100% (even things I have questions about) Be careful. Write back as soon as you get this letter. I'll be waiting for your reply. While you're at it, why don't you send me a new picture of you for my collection of photos. Take good care.
I love you man!
----------------------
I'm happy to report that we are still friends to this day, we did see one another on more than one occasion since I started my transition, and she did recognize me every time, lol. The years and the miles have put a little more distance in our relationship than I'd like, but I intend to fix that :) With the internet now, there's no reason the miles should matter!
And to my friend: If you're reading this - please know that I still love you and still consider you my oldest, dearest friend. This letter was so incredible and your support was (and is) important to me. Some of your fears were right on... I lost some friends, and some family. I did have to deal with some pretty significant intolerance, hatred, and even some threats along the way. But I persevered. And now, 13 years later, I am so happy and so grateful I was able to do this and be true to myself! I am so happy with who I am, I found love, an unconditional, deep, incredible love and I can't imagine where I'd be today had I not followed this path. I am very lucky! I still miss going out with you and I'd still share shirts with you! I am very happy for you and your new love, and look forward to getting to know her. You're proof that this wall between the lesbian and trans communities doesn't need to exist. Thank you for being what's right about our GLBT community! P.S. When I make it back down for a visit, we must go to the BRB and tie one on, for old for old times sake! Love ya!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Trans & Passing
I never really used the term passing. I also never really gave the term any thought, until recently, and I decided I don't like it. To me, it implies pretending... passing oneself off as, etc. No offense to those who use the word - but if you do, have you really thought about what you're saying? That you're passing for the gender you identify with - not that you ARE that gender. It plays right back in to the ol gender stereotypes. Men are expected to look a certain way, and women are expected to look a certain way. If you're trans, and look male/female enough, then you "pass". It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Lately, this seems to be one of the things the trans haters are using to discredit and ridicule the trans community. But hell, I've seen Butches who barely pass for female - including some that could totally pass for male. But if you were to tell them they don't look like women, you'd be called out for being a misogynist. Because Butches should be able to present any way they want to, and not have their gender ID questioned or be forced into a "gender straightjacket" - I agree, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't expect the freedom to be your authentic self and be free of gender rules and regulations, and then turn around and ridicule a transman for not looking male enough, or a transwoman for not looking female enough.
I'd love to see the term "passing" removed from the trans vocabulary. I'd love to see a society in which individuals have the freedom to be who they want to be, and be respected and treated fairly regardless of their appearance or gender.
I'd love to see the term "passing" removed from the trans vocabulary. I'd love to see a society in which individuals have the freedom to be who they want to be, and be respected and treated fairly regardless of their appearance or gender.
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