So a HUGE part of the trans-bashing that certain other blogs engage in, is the repeated assertion that we have ugly, mutilated bodies, made grotesque by all the "hacked off" parts. Well I'm here to tell you, and I can only speak for myself (although I know this will be true for most trans men and women) - I LOVE my body! Sure, I have scars that are faintly visible, a reminder of my chest reconstruction. A reminder of how I used to think I would always have to bind, would always avoid looking in the mirror, would always feel sad and be a hermit. I have a scar on my abdomen, a reminder of a time when I thought I would always feel suicidal once a month, a time when I felt like I didn't even KNOW who I was. There was a time, long ago, that I thought I would live the remainder of my life feeling like an alien. Feeling like there was no place for me in this world. But fortunately, there was help. Fortunately, professionals, who KNOW what they're talking about (unlike bloggers with agendas), were able to get my mind sorted out, and help me find the answers I was seeking. Fortunately, there were surgeons willing to use their skills - one of which who had NEVER done a trans related procedure - to help bring my body closer in line with my soul. Once I completed my SRS procedures, it was as though you'd waved a magic wand and I started feeling the cloud cover on my existence lifting. It was truly life saving. I had lost the will to live, I couldn't imagine a future in which I would be forced to feel disconnected from my own body. So for all these people who
think they have it all figured out, and think they know what they're talking about... what they call mutilation was, in fact, a revelation. I love my scars. I love that I am free to walk through the world with a clear, settled mind and soul. I love that I can feel proud of who I am and what I've done in my life to follow my truth. No one can take that away from me. I'll take a few faintly visible scars over a pine box any day.
Here are some pics I thought I'd share...
First pic:(circa 2004) Three weeks post op, still pretty swollen but LOVE the result! (The band aid was from a portion of the incision that the Dr. opened up for drainage from the hematoma on that side)
2nd pic: About 2006, 2 years post-op
3rd pic: New ink last year!
4th pic: Healed ink, 2011
Thank you for your words-- I can't wait til I love my scars too. One day! I esp. the love the line "to help bring my body closer in line with my soul". I totally agree, 100.
ReplyDeleteI found your journal from a comment you posted recently on Dirts journal. I have never met an ftm (is that what you guys prefer to be referred to as?) - that I know of anyway. I keep hearing all this talk about hacked off parts, and horrible scars and I really did picture something very unattractive. I want to thank you for sharing so much of yourself so that those of us unfamiliar can see for ourselves, and hear the truth. I feel Dirt is really misleading people. I hope you don't mind my saying that I love your pictures and I think your chest looks wonderful. You seem very happy! I'm thankful for finding your journal and hope you continue to dispel all the lies people are saying about the trans community!
ReplyDeletewow man. thanks for sharing that :) your my hero.
ReplyDeletea: Thank you for the kind words! It's worth the wait, and it's a whole new life. If you have any questions, holla!
ReplyDeleteJenifer: Thank you for your comment, and for taking the time to read me. There's definitely a lot of smoke & mirrors going on over there. She wants people to think the worst of transguys, and MOST of her info is incorrect, or just plain made up. She has an agenda - and it is NOT the real issues concerning women - I think a lot of people are starting to realize she's a fraud. She has a beef with transmen for whatever reason (I have my theories) and she hides behind feminism. Just look at her tag cloud - it's obvious what holds more of her attention.
ReplyDeleteAnon: Thank you for reading, and I'm flattered but not really hero material :) I'm just a guy making my way in the world. But I do appreciate you!
ReplyDeletewell i am willing to admit that from what i can see your chest surgery turned out good but i still think dirt is right and most of them look terrible. sorry guys its just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteIf you had given that blog post as a speech, I would have given you a standing ovation for showing us your chest.
ReplyDeleteButchPride:
ReplyDeleteI don't expect you to get it... how could you? It isn't even about getting the perfect result. I was lucky to get the result I did - from a surgeon who had NEVER done an FTM chest but wanted to help me - but I would have been relieved to have them gone REGARDLESS of the outcome. It's really in poor taste to judge other guys' results... it's such a deeply personal journey - about much more than cosmetics. In any case, thanks for reading.
FB:
ReplyDeleteThank you so much :) I really appreciate your input here on my blog. It wasn't easy to post the pictures, I'm not a show off that way - I haven't really shown them to many people before now but I'm so sick of hearing how grotesque our chests are. And my wife thinks mine is wicked sexy :)
Your results are wonderful mate! Which surgeon did your chest? I appreciate you sharing your photographs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pat! I wish I could share the name of my surgeon, however, he specifically asked that I not share that info. He had never done FTM top surgery prior to mine, and doesn't want to do them in the future. He was actually a friend/colleague of my therapist and did it because of that. I was lucky - he did an amazing job & I wish I could refer others to him.
ReplyDelete