Memo: Don't Assume That All Butches Are Transmen in Waiting...

I find myself both intrigued and enraged by the radfem "theory" of transmen embarking on this journey because they're misogynistic and want male privilege... or that Butches are more or less, transmen waiting to happen, and that we're on the prowl, recruiting other Butches to join the ranks. It’s turned into a really nasty contention within the queer community, and isn't doing any of us a goddamn bit of good. I've heard the argument, that a good number of Butches are being pressured into using male or gender-neutral pronouns, some going so far as to seek out medical intervention (top surgery, T, etc) to proclaim themselves to be men for no other reason but because it's easier than being Butch. For the women who love and seek out female-identified Butches, this is disconcerting, understandably, and they question what is driving this reported "migration". A quick refresher on second-wave radical feminism will show you how some attempt to both back up this theory, as well as provide the answers. Talk to one of these radfems for 2 minutes, and you'll hear all about how transmen are simply self-hating women. They will tell you that transmen are women who caved to patriarchy, and how they "chop off" healthy body parts in an effort to be something they aren't. How they're all mentally ill, and too weak to defy society's imposed gender norms. That it was easier to just transition than to stand up to the patriarchy. According to them, transmen retreat from oppression by becoming the oppressor. They see transmen as weak Butches, basically. What they deliberately gloss over though, is that Butch is an identity all its own, and the majority of Butches never consider transitioning genders. Their theory has some other MAJOR holes, and I think it's easy for those who have no experience with a transperson in their lives, to buy into it. I would argue that these Butches who do end up transitioning are people who, perhaps in the journey to find themselves, found a safe place to land temporarily in the Butch community. That was my own experience anyway. I didn't personally identify as Butch, or even as a lesbian. But even though those labels felt foreign to me, it was as close as I could come to fitting in before educating myself - those labels weren't bad, nor icky, they were just foreign to me in how I viewed my place in this world. I didn't think it was bad to be a woman. I just didn't feel like one. I'm certainly not suggesting that Butch women are never pressured to consider transition. I know that happens - and I think it's reprehensible for anyone to push someone else to question their gender identity just because they may seem "too" Butch, or too "masculine". But this is a problem with society's imposed gender "norms", not with the trans community.

Constructing these exaggerated, over-generalized reasons for transition is quite insidious, especially given that most people can't even comprehend what it is to grow up feeling a disconnect between the mind and body, and how terrifying and difficult the transition journey can be. And a good number of these anti-trans radfems have never even spent any real time talking to a transperson, and listening to their story. The simple fact is, very few people transition for the reasons mentioned above - and those who do, will eventually seek out de-transition and return to living life as the sex they were born. Because think about it... being transgender/transsexual is a really fucking godawful way to try and advance in our society, if that's your objective. Becoming, possibly the most misunderstood, most hated letter in LGBTQ, is really not what one would do to escape oppression, or because because they're too weak to deal with cis privilege. Sure, transmen do gain male privilege, anyone who denies that is not being honest with themselves. And male privilege, even though I'd like to see it done away with completely, can be used responsibly. But besides gaining male privilege, we also gain transphobia, and the really nasty, insidious entity that is cissexism. What is cissexism you ask? let's back up a sec... cisgender is label you may see popping up more and more often when gender and gender identities are being discussed. It's a label attached to individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity. In other words, the majority of the population. Basically then, cissexism is a label to describe those who believe that a transperson's gender identity is inferior to, or less authentic than, their own. Transpeople also have to deal with the economic impact of transition, as well as the social impact and the potential, and all to frequent loss of friends and family. Not to mention the very difficult to navigate, sometimes terrifying, very expensive medical journey. So ask yourself again... would we do this just to escape the "male gaze" and sexism in our society? I don't see how anyone can honestly believe that trading sexism for cissexism would be an escape from anything.

Then there's the argument that we must not REALLY want to be men, because if we did, we wouldn't want to hold onto any attachment to the queer community - specifically - the lesbian community. I spent about 10 years in and around the queer community. I watched friends lose their battle with AIDS, raised money, marched, and helped fight for equality and visibility. The thought of losing my community connections, and queer identity was paralyzing to me. I believed 100% in everything I had fought for, and I knew it was going to be a long fight. It was something I invested so much time in because I believed in it so strongly. It had nothing to do with the disconnect I grew up with. I wasn't running away from being seen as a lesbian, I didn't think it was bad to be a woman. I was on a personal journey that took me through this amazing, vibrant community of people and I didn't regret that for one second. But nothing could have prepared me for the uglier side of the journey I was embarking on. The journey into a world where, while I would become the me I had always seen in the mirror, the authentic me, I would, at the same time, be entering a world where the very concept of me, and of others like me, was frightening and disgusting. A world in which some members of the very community I loved so much and fought so hard for, would look down on me, and view me, and others like me, with contempt, abhorrence, and sometimes, hate. A world where when people know that I am a transman, they would feel justified in confronting me with their bias openly, and also feel as though I owe them an explanation. These people would feel that it is appropriate to ask me very intrusive, personal questions about my body and my medical and legal status. And a world where when people don't know I am trans, and read me as cisgender, I'd have to overhear all the nasty, vile things they say about both transpeople and the gay/lesbian communities. I've had to deal with this on the job, and in social situations, and let me tell you, it’s not easy to hear... it's downright hideous. So trust me when I say, that transition was no "easy out". There's nothing remotely "easy" about it. Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining, or playing a victim card (yeah, we get accused of that too) - I am grateful that I was able to take this journey. I have never felt like a victim because of it, and I don't regret one second of it. But the fact is, it isn't easy, and certainly not a good alternative to the "ism's" we leave behind, because we just get a new set of them.

My question to the radfems is this - Can't you stop for a moment and recognize that you have become completely fixated on this theory that transsexuality is a tool of the patriarchy, and the "male medical establishment" — regardless of how very vehemently the patriarchy opposes, and punishes it? Can't you see the problem with that theory? Why don't you sit and have a real, sincere conversation with a transman, or a transgender Butch, and ask why they identify the way they do, or why they decided to transition? The thing is, that most, if asked, will tell you that they felt this disconnect since very early childhood. They may not all remember it as having felt male, but I would venture to say that most will tell you that they always felt different, and in some way, confused. Not by their roles, but just by their existence in their bodies. Not because of their toys, or what clothing was hanging in their closets, or even how their parents treated them - they will probably tell you about a deep seated confusion, or as I've explained it before, a disconnect that they experienced long before they even knew what gender norms were, before they knew what transgender was, and most definitely before they were exposed to any trans "trending". When we take the time to speak about our experiences, and tell you why we chose the life we did, why not just believe us? You may have your theories - your assumptions - about a life you aren't living, that doesn't discount the real stories, the people LIVING the truth behind the assumptions. Whether you agree with it or not, why do you insist on taking such a domineering stance? What makes you think you can speak for us, and how can you know more about us than we know about ourselves? What gives you the right to tell us - or anyone for that matter - whether we should exist or not, and what is and isn't good for us?

This isn't Butch vs Trans, or Butch vs FTM like I see so often online. Butch women are amazing, and some of my very best friends are Butch. Transmen aren't just wayward, weak, confused Butches. Butches and transmen are two completely different, wonderful identities. The existence of transmen isn't destroying the Butch community, and we aren't recruiting your Butches. Do some transmen ID as Butch prior to transition? Sure they do... I did. But I wasn't a Butch woman. Butch women are not transmen waiting to transition. There is a very long, rich history behind Butches that nothing can destroy, and there are some amazing Butches out there carrying that tradition on. Butch isn't going anywhere. Some may drift in and out of that identity for various reasons on their individual journeys, but that doesn't mean there aren't MANY more who proudly live their lives as Butch women, or as Transgender Butches, who refuse to attach a gender to their experience. It certainly doesn't take anything away from them. I think that Butches are amazing and courageous in their own right, for living their lives authentically, in spite of what society tells them they should be. This rift between our two communities doesn't need to exist, and it only stands to hurt us both further. We can co-exist in this world, and we don't have to turn our beautiful, diverse experiences into a pissing contest.